


When Lightning Strikes

by seagreen-meets-grey (haddxck)



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: F/M, I lied it's not just a little angst, Modern AU, Soulmate Vibes, a little angst with a dash of drama, everyone's a good person, no one cheats, they all just want to be happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2020-10-29 10:06:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20794883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haddxck/pseuds/seagreen-meets-grey
Summary: When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won't even know what hit you.Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

_\- Part 1 -_

* * *

Astrid really should have seen this coming.

Her boyfriend had been acting weird all day, throwing her strange looks, dropping his coffee mug, nervously wringing his hands while asking her if she wanted to go out for dinner tonight. She’d had no plans – which she realized later had been planned by him all along – so she agreed to go.

Eret took her to a very nice restaurant in a part of town she’d only rarely been to before. It was so fancy it had valet parking, two well-dressed young men opening the doors for them when they went inside, soft piano tunes played live by a pianist sitting at the grandest piano she had ever seen, and several different sets of cutlery she struggled to connect to their respective uses.

Astrid almost felt underdressed in her simple skirt and blouse, but Eret kept reassuring her that she looked beautiful.

“I just wanted to go somewhere special with you, love,” he simply said when she asked him why they hadn’t just gone for burgers like they usually did, and ordered the best champagne the restaurant offered. Really, Astrid was later surprised she didn’t make the connection immediately, almost expecting something golden flashing at her from the bottom of her delicate champagne glass.

After dinner, they strolled through the small park behind the restaurant, arms linked and making fun of the various guests that had been dining around them, more upper class than either of them would ever experience. Astrid blinked into the setting sun; gone was her brief frustration with her boyfriend when he’d refused to let her pay at least a quarter of the massive bill.

When they reached an impressive fountain surrounded by torches, the flames reflecting in the crystal-clear water, Eret suddenly cleared his throat. Momentarily distracted by the beautiful lights, Astrid almost missed him starting a long speech about how happy she made him, how much he loved falling asleep next to her, only to look forward to waking up to her pretty face in the morning. He went on reminiscing about the adventures they’d had together during the course of their relationship, about the way her punches filled him with life, and how he had realized she was the love of his life and he wanted to spend the rest of it together with her.

When he proceeded to fall on one knee, it was almost too much for Astrid. This entire night had been romantic, a bit too romantic for her taste, drawing the picture of the perfect proposal. And when he fished a black velvet box out of his jacket, opened it and asked the question, the light from the torches caught in the small golden band he was presenting her, completing the picture.

Her answer was only logical. Despite the circumstances of this act not really being her style, she still felt elated, and the answer felt just right to her. She and Eret had been together for a few years now, had lived together for most of them, and she couldn’t find a reason for ever breaking up with him. So she broke into a wide grin and nodded.

“Is that a yes?”

Astrid kept nodding. “Yes!”

Eret swooped her up in his arms and kissed her passionately before sliding the ring on her finger. It sat a little loose on her skin but not so loose that she had to worry it could slip over the joint.

Although Astrid would have been totally fine if the ring had ended up in a glass of soda while they were watching a movie at home, Astrid was happy, and very much so. Nothing could throw a dent in her elated state.

Until two weeks later, thunder started rolling through the sky.

* * *

The sun shining through the bathroom window was warming Astrid’s face as she brushed her hair and put it into a loose braid over her shoulder. Adding a little touch of make-up, she smiled at herself in the mirror. Her mother was right, she had a certain glow about her. Post-engagement-pre-married glow, she called it.

A few days ago, Eret and she had started going through their calendars to agree on a date for the wedding, and the more they talked about it, the more excited Astrid felt. Her friends had asked her if she wasn’t nervous, but she figured that would come later in the planning phase, closer to the actual wedding. These days, she was constantly smiling. Eret said it was almost creepy.

She swatted at Eret when he gave her a kiss on the cheek, almost ruining her make-up, as they left their apartment not much later. Leaving their cars at home, they started the ten-minute walk to the next bus station since they anticipated that they would both be legally and physically unable to drive at some point of the night. Dagur, a friend of Eret’s, was having a party for his 30th birthday, and if Dagur “The Deranged” was throwing a party, no one would leave still able to operate a vehicle.

About half-way to the station, dark, thick clouds gradually began to cover up the sky above them, slowly building a wall between the sun and the earth. A fresh breeze took up but Astrid wasn’t cold. It felt rather liberating, the air charged with electricity, the heat of the afternoon gone. She took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of rain and storms. She hadn’t realized the weight the summer heat had put on her shoulders, her head, her chest. New energy ran through her and she skipped a few steps ahead, smile widening.

“What’s got you so excited?” Eret chuckled when she twirled back around to face him.

Walking backwards, she briefly considered explaining how the brooding thunderstorm above them filled her with anticipation, charged her nerves with a thousand volts, made her heart beat faster at the promise of a heavy downpour. But then she simply shrugged and turned back around so she didn’t bump into a parking car or a traffic sign. “I’m just ready to party.”

“I’m gonna tell Dagur you said that.”

“Oh, please do. I still need to get back at him for stealing my last bottle of tequila.”

“I’m looking forward to holding your hair while you puke your guts out tonight.”

Without looking, Astrid gave her fiancé the bird over her shoulder, earning herself a hearty chuckle.

On their drive to Dagur’s house, Astrid felt the air charge with voltage more and more the closer they came to their destination, almost to the point where the anticipation became unbearable. But when they exited the bus and a cool gust of wind blew a few strands of hair out of her braid, the strange feeling gave way to her former excitement and she was the first at the door.

A young woman about Astrid’s age with long black hair let them in and introduced herself as Dagur’s sister. She led them through an already buzzing crowd of people into what under normal circumstances seemed to be a living room. Plastic cups, bowls of snacks and bottles of various beverages, mostly alcoholic, were covering almost every surface. A huge stereo was playing loud beats with a bass so powerful Astrid felt it vibrate deep in her chest, sending waves of electric tingles through her body.

Looking around, she didn’t recognize anyone. Eret knew Dagur from college, back when he and Astrid had first started dating, but everyone else she remembered from that period wasn’t here. So while Eret went to get them drinks, Astrid turned towards Dagur’s sister who was still standing nearby.

“Heather, was it?” She had to shout over the music for her words to reach the other girl.

“Yes, and you must be Astrid. Dagur told me about you.”

Astrid glanced around at the mention of him. “Where’s the birthday boy, anyway?”

Heather pursed her lips and shrugged. “That is a good question. Chances are high he’s either fighting a pack of wolves in the garden or outdrinking rivals somewhere else in the house.”

Astrid chuckled. That sounded like Dagur. Biting her lip, she tried to think of something else to talk to Heather about. For a moment, she felt awkward standing there in the middle of the room with Dagur’s sister, without any connection to her or anyone else around her. She was glad when Eret returned and handed her a drink. While she took a long sip, feeling the alcohol run down her throat, she heard the first roll of thunder in the sky.

“I think the storm is about to start,” she chimed in when she noticed that Eret had momentarily run out of conversational topics. Both Eret and Heather looked at her confused.

“Storm?” Heather asked and turned to look outside. “Oh, right. Looks like rain.”

“Didn’t you just hear the thunder? It was pretty loud,” Astrid said, realizing she was yelling so as to be heard over the music.

“Couldn’t hear anything,” Eret said, talking close to her ear. “Maybe we should turn down the music a notch or else I won’t be able to either hear or talk anymore in an hour.”

“What did you say?” Heather yelled back.

While Eret repeated his suggestion, Astrid frowned to herself. How had she heard the thunder, anyway? She figured she must have imagined it. She still felt the electricity in the air, in her veins, a strange tug in her stomach, resembling the feeling of stopping on a rollercoaster hill right before the drop. Gulping down more of her drink, she felt her heartbeat speed up.

Suddenly, something tugged at the field of her vision and made her turn her head. In an instant, all the energy that had been building inside her for the past hour or two discharged at once. It made the hairs on her arms stand up, her toes and the tips of her fingers went numb, her stomach dropped out and the breath caught in her throat.

Her eyes locked with green.

And lightning struck.

* * *

It wasn’t long after the first guests had arrived that the party was in full swing. Dagur was walking around with a bottle of vodka, constantly pouring some into people’s cups. His typical manic laughter could be heard through the whole house, even when someone decided to find out Dagur’s stereo’s full capability in terms of volume.

Slowly sipping at his drink, Hiccup did his best to avoid the crazy man. He knew that if he let Dagur be in charge of his alcohol consumption, he’d be dead in a ditch by midnight. Instead, he kept observing his surroundings, drawing a map of the house in his mind, highlighting all the different escape routes. Whenever he heard the sound of Dagur’s voice or saw people subtly shuffling out of the man’s field of vision when they saw him approach with his bottle of hellish liquid, he called up his imaginary map and disappeared down the next emergency exit.

Several times during his continued run from Dagur, Hiccup passed the glass door that led into the garden. But whenever he stuck out his hand to the handle, something held him back, something in the depths of his mind, or heart, or soul, he couldn’t quite decipher it. Glancing up at the sky, he figured it was some kind of weather sense telling him it was about to rain cats and dogs that made him draw back. For some reason, he felt that inside the house was where he was supposed to be right now.

That didn’t help him, though, when in an unwary moment, Dagur laid eyes on him. “Hiccup, brother!”

“Oh, shit,” Hiccup cursed under his breath and spun around, frantically searching for the next best escape and spotting the open door to the garden. Ignoring Dagur’s calls, he made a beeline for the exit, slipping out into the cool evening air that tasted of ozone and was filled with something, something unidentifiable. A few groups of people were gathered in different corners of the porch and the large lawn. Hiccup briefly considered running off into the adjacent woods, but a large hand on his shoulder made that plan evaporate into thin air.

“Brother! You can’t hide from me forever, man,” Dagur said and chuckled when Hiccup tried to stop himself from grimacing. “Watcha got in there?” He laid an arm around Hiccup’s shoulders and peeked into his cup. He smelled of weed.

Hiccup held his drink out of reach for Dagur so he couldn’t easily fill it up with vodka. Dagur didn’t seem to notice.

“You and I, brother Hiccup, we need to down some shots. I haven’t hung out with you all night.” His words didn’t indicate it but his slightly swaying movements showed that he’d had lots of those already. Hiccup tried to get out of Dagur’s headlock but his grip was too strong, so he couldn’t do anything but let the bigger man lead him to one of the foldable bar tables that were standing around the garden.

As soon as Hiccup put his cup on the table, Dagur poured a generous amount of vodka into it. Hiccup sighed in defeat and took a careful sip, regretting every decision he ever made that led him to this day. The alcohol burned in his throat and he recoiled at the taste of almost pure vodka. He wasn’t made for this.

Dagur babbled on about everything and nothing while Hiccup swallowed and perked up at the sudden urge to run back inside. Although the air out here was nice and fresh and he could feel the first drops of rain on his skin, something tugging on the insides of his gut wanted him inside where the air was surely hot and stuffy. Taking a deep breath, Hiccup took one more sip of his drink and shook his head, grimacing again.

“Hey, Dagur, um, _brother_,” he started, interrupting what sounded like the story of how Dagur lost his v-card, “I’m just gonna head inside, to… To use the bathroom. Yes, bathroom.” And without waiting for an answer, he darted away from the death trap of a man, leaving his cup behind and heading back inside.

He’d guessed right, the air inside the house was awful, full of condensed sweat and alcohol and lacking the appropriate amount of oxygen. He felt the need to open all the windows. He couldn’t be the only one not enjoying this.

Before Dagur could try and follow him, he fled to the other side of the house, bumping into several drunk people on the way. A brief check of his watch confirmed what he’d expected of one of Dagur’s parties: that most people were already drunk long before midnight.

Arriving at the point of the house furthest from Dagur, Hiccup leaned against the wall and breathed a sigh of relief. But this pressing feeling in his gut, this urge to be somewhere, this weird anticipation of something to happen at any moment now was still there, still made him absentmindedly drum his fingers against his legs in an uneven rhythm. He shook his head, trying to get rid of this feeling. He suspected that Dagur had given him something not entirely pure vodka. He vowed to make sure he didn’t accept any more drinks from the man tonight.

Taking another deep breath, he pushed himself off the wall and went looking for the one person at this party he wanted to talk to right now. But the already very crowded house – who even were all these people? – gave Hiccup a hard time finding Heather. At last, he entered the living room once again. He’d actually hoped that she wasn’t here because this room was too close to the last place he’d seen her brother and therefore a dangerous place for Hiccup to be.

As soon as he crossed the threshold, though, he felt the strange tug again. He made a few more steps into the room and scanned the crowd for long black hair. But instead of Heather, his eyes found something else.

And in the exact moment he locked eyes with piercing blue, a blinding flash of lightning went off in the sky, in the garden, in this very living room. It jolted right through his heart, his mind, leaving nothing but vast numbness in its trail.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, a wild update appears!

Astrid couldn’t move. Couldn’t move her body, couldn’t move her eyes away from the sea of green staring back at her from across the room. She didn’t know how long it took for the spell to break. Maybe it was the guy bumping into her, maybe it was the change of volume coming from the stereo that distracted her senses enough to pull her out of whatever deep, deep pool she’d just plunged into, or maybe it was Heather waving her hands around in front of her face.

It took Astrid a few seconds to snap out of her trance and understand that Heather’s waving had been directed at someone else. Her mind climbing out of whatever that had just been, she realized that Eret had taken back his spot by her side after adjusting the stereo settings. It seemed as if no one had noticed her strange absentmindedness just now.

Someone entered their little circle of three, putting his arm around Heather’s waist. His eyes resembled a forest on an early October day, fog wafting over the earth, the first signs of sunlight breaking through thick pine trees. Astrid swallowed hard.

“This is Hiccup,” Heather introduced him, “my boyfriend.”

The fog disappeared, both from his eyes and her mind. Completely sobering up now, Astrid smiled at him in greeting and raised her drink. “Skål!”

Eret shook Hiccup’s hand. “I’m Eret, this is Astrid. She likes to go by Skål.” That earned him a punch on the arm which only made him chuckle.

“Just to be clear,” she directed her glare at Hiccup, “if you ever call me that, I am going to end you.”

Hiccup blinked at her for a moment, then the corners of his mouth twitched up into a smirk. “How?”

“Axe to the throat. Clear cut. In your sleep, when you least expect it.”

“But now you told me, so I will expect it.”

Astrid smirked back at him. “Oh, believe me, you won’t.”

“Won’t even hear her coming,” Eret chimed in. Hiccup only laughed in response, having the audacity to not even look mildly threatened. That changed, however, when two hands grabbed him by the shoulders and the unmistakable booming voice of Dagur “The Deranged” reached their ears.

"Man, isn't this party great?" He began to shake Hiccup back and forth by the shoulders and Astrid had to stifle a giggle at the pained look on the poor boy's face. "And it just got more awesome 'cause my main man Eret arrived!" He pushed Hiccup aside who stumbled forward and had to hold onto Astrid to not fall over. He let go of her immediately after he caught himself but she could still feel his hand on her arm. He shot her an apologetic smile.

Dagur and Eret spread their arms and fell into a squeezing bear hug before raising their hands and smacking them together in a high five so loud it must have hurt. Both men didn't even try to subtly shake off the pain, complimenting each other's strength and starting to talk about their recent workout strategies.

"Men, right?" Hiccup said to her in a mock-exaggerated tone which made Heather giggle. Astrid turned her head to the side when Heather leaned in to give her boyfriend a kiss.

"Can't even say hi to Dagur, he only has eyes for my fiancé," Astrid murmured. This time, it was Hiccup who chuckled. His voice was slightly nasal but in an endearing way, she found.

"Maybe he's engaged to the wrong person, then," he said, instantly backtracking when he realized what he’d just said. "I mean, I mean I didn't- I don't want to- I'm not saying that, you know-" He was gesticulating wildly with both hands, running one through his messy auburn hair and a soft layer of slight panic was covering his irises. His shoulders finally slumped in defeat. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong."

Astrid couldn't help herself, she burst into laughter, and after one startled second, Heather joined in. "It's okay, Hiccup.” She wiped a tear from her eye. His face was priceless. “I know what you meant, and I agree. If anything, these two should get hitched and take their honeymoon to a gym or some training camp. You should have seen them last year when they ran into each other at the same resort and we spent the rest of the day at the outdoor gym at the beach." She shook her head fondly. "But while I was keeping it relaxed, they were comparing bicep sizes and gossiping about the other men around, all the while flexing and flexing and flexing some more, especially at each other."

"Yes, the gym." Hiccup nodded fervently. "That's where I gained all this raw manliness." He patted his upper arms and Astrid couldn't help but notice the lean muscles he was trying to play down. "Oh wait," he looked up, eyes wide, "the gym is that place where they sell all the light bulbs, right?"

"No," Astrid said, "that one is a few buildings over."

"Ooh," Hiccup made, holding a hand to his forehead like he just experienced a big revelation. "That's why I still look like a twig."

Grinning, Astrid considered telling him how she thought the opposite, maybe leaning more into the _light bulbs place_ joke, but Dagur chose that moment to yell her name, suddenly making her aware of the other people that were still with them.

Now it was her turn to receive one of Dagur's bear hugs, and a mixed scent of weed, sweat, alcohol and his deodorant made her wrinkle her nose.

"Happy birthday, big guy," she said and gave him a playful punch in the stomach, which was more like a little knock on the washboard he must have hidden there. Pretending to be badly hurt, he doubled over, clutching his middle. "Help, Astrid attacked me," he whined. "Now I need some good medicine. Come on, sis, let's have a drink!" Dagur laid an arm over her shoulder and attempted to walk her into the garden but stopped short when he saw how the sky had opened up and was now releasing a flood down to the earth.

"The apocalypse, awesome!" he yelled. "MORE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!" The house erupted into cheers and soon everyone had their refill. Astrid downed a birthday shot or five with Dagur, gracefully lost against him in an arm wrestling match – two out of three, and she definitely won the second one, no matter how much he was boasting about letting her win – and let him, Eret and a guy named Erik, whose right eye already adorned an ugly shiner, sit her on their shoulders and carry her through the house. Their journey ended in the kitchen where they started tumbling too much and lost their grip on her when she leaned too far to the side to avoid a rendezvous with the kitchen lamp which hung lowly from the ceiling like a miniature chandelier.

She met a few of Dagur’s cousins, played beer pong against Hiccup (which she only lost because the alcohol was throwing off her aim, not because his skills were better), discovered he could be just as competitive as her, battled Erik in dramatic expressions (which she lost as well, don’t tell anyone), and last but not least dragged Hiccup to the TV where someone had set up a karaoke game.

“Rematch, but this time, I’m winning!” she told him and he raised one eyebrow at her.

“Because we’re not playing beer pong?”

“Yes, and because I’m going to win something. This time for sure!”

He didn’t even have to pretend to lose on purpose, she beat him at _Bohemian Rhapsody_ big-time. Basking in her triumph, she spent the next hour victory dancing with Eret.

It could have been the alcohol, but little jolts of lightning were still coursing through her veins.

* * *

Hiccup had anticipated this night to go far worse than it did. He’d thought he’d spend his night avoiding Dagur and his non-existent understanding of personal space while trying to not drown in the too large crowd gathered in the accordingly too small house. His only hope had been Heather – or, in the best-case scenario, Obi-Wan Kenobi. But he had promised Heather to attend her brother’s birthday party, for her, or at least for the sake of socializing. He’d only groaned and written off everything else he would rather have done but had come along anyway.

In the end, he had to admit he was having more fun at this than he would’ve had sitting on his couch binging something or sketching his cat for the umpteenth time. Dagur was bearable as long as he was focused on other people. Heather threw him _I told you it would be fun_-smiles every now and then. When midnight had passed, he did not find himself dead in a ditch. And he had found someone who made stupid games like beer pong and karaoke more exciting than it was allowed to be.

_Astrid_.

Eret’s fiancée with the beautiful eyes and blinding smile. With the iron fist and the ability to glare at someone so fiercely they wanted to turn on their heels and run to their mommy. Astrid with the thunder in her soul.

He still couldn’t forget that strange moment when the thunderstorm had started, when he had been able to feel that flash of lightning everywhere inside of him. He wondered if every storm now would bring up the image of blue eyes opened wide, of eternal milliseconds filled with high voltage, of white spots dancing in front of his vision curtesy of the intensity of the flash.

Hiccup didn’t know what to make of it. Had it been a coincidence that he had met her eyes the very moment the lightning had struck, like some grand romantic sign? It couldn’t have been love at first sight, because that concept was only a myth. Besides, he had Heather. And he didn’t believe that people could see each other and immediately be _in love_. Love was something that had to grow, had to be nourished and cherished. Such a deep bond couldn’t exist from one second to the other.

But a connection at first sight, a mutual feeling of sympathy, maybe even an attraction – that he believed to be possible. The best example for that was he and his best friend Fishlegs. On the first day of college, they’d sat next to each other and immediately formed a connection, the conversation flowing easily between them. Maybe it was the same with Astrid. It was true; they did get along splendidly and he felt like he could be himself around her. He wouldn’t mind staying in contact with her after this night.

Right now, however, she had disappeared somewhere in the dancing crowd with her fiancé after she had beaten him at karaoke.

“Hiccup, I’m proud of you,” Heather’s voice came from beside him. His girlfriend intertwined their fingers and kissed him on the cheek. “Singing in front of all these strangers with someone you only met a few hours ago? Didn’t know you had it in you.”

“Thanks, I guess.” He felt himself blush and rubbed his neck. He was surprised as well, would have panicked at the thought of doing this just yesterday. Now that she made him aware of it, his self-consciousness made itself known again. He counted at least a few dozen people just in this room. Had they all heard him sing, if one could even call what he’d done with his vocal cords singing? Did they laugh about him making a fool of himself? Did they now think of him as an idiot, a moron way down below them? Would they forever remember him like this, would he become a story they told people so they could laugh about him together?

Hiccup realized he was spiraling and cursed at himself. He’d been doing so well until now. _Fuck._

“I need some air,” he told Heather and freed his hand from hers. “Are you coming?”

“Are you okay?” she asked, face concerned and analyzing. He thought about telling her of his feelings but he already knew the approach she would take. Tell him he shouldn’t think about it too much, shouldn’t talk himself down again. But although he knew she just wanted to help and was serious about it, her strategy wouldn’t work on him. It never had before.

So instead of discussing that with her, he nodded and gave her a peck on the lips. “I’m fine, I just need a little fresh air.”

“If you say so,” Heather said, eyes set on a spot behind him. “Will you be okay then on your own? Because I’d rather stay in the kitchen, it looks like some asshat is trying to get himself electrocuted.”

Hiccup turned around and peeked over people’s heads to get a better view of the open kitchen. Some nimrod was indeed standing on the table, tinkering with the lamp. It was the same guy who’d shown up a while ago looking as if he’d already been in a fistfight prior to his arrival. Now that he thought about it, he swore he’d seen him talk to Astrid earlier.

_Astrid, karaoke, people, suffocation-_ Hiccup took a deep breath, hoping it would stop his mind from spiraling further, and headed for the garden door.

The cool air hitting his face as soon as he stepped outside was a welcome change, sinking into his skin and slowly chasing away the anxiety. A couple of deep breaths later, his stomach untwisted itself, his heart was beating more comfortably again, and the pressing negative thoughts concerning his self-worth retreated into a corner of his mind.

It was no longer pouring; what remained was the almost therapeutic smell of summer rain and grass. In a nook of the porch, a small lamp attracted moths and mosquitos dancing close to the light. Crickets were throwing their own party in the garden, creating a counter world to the one behind him, the house’s walls and glass windows the only barrier between the two.

It would have been peaceful, if not for the loud music coming from inside and the few drunk people disturbing the scene. Some were smoking, some were making out in corners of the garden, one guy was relieving himself on Dagur’s little vegetable patch (Hiccup wondered if Dagur was trying to grow meat there), and a woman was stargazing from the deckchair on the lawn, although he wasn’t sure if she was actually passed out.

He leaned against a post and closed his eyes, relishing this break from the buzz of a large crowd constantly keeping him on edge. He’d gotten better at handling his fears over the recent years; only one or two years ago, his insides would have twisted and turned at the mere thought of going to a party where he didn’t know anyone besides his girlfriend and her crazy brother. And truth be told, he had been battling the urge to disappear into a quiet corner where no one could see him, where no one could judge him.

But for one, Dagur would have found him eventually. And second, he didn’t want to fall back into old patterns. In his mind, he started to list all the negative thoughts that had crawled out of their prison, tried to poison his mind, and snake their way back to his heart. He recalled what Dr. Mala had taught him and systematically sucked the life out of them with rationality.

It went surprisingly easy this time, confidence flowing back into his body and that thrilling spark sending little bolts of lightning down his back. A smile grew on his face. It felt good.

Hiccup didn’t know how long he stood there until the door opened and closed, the noise from the party momentarily escaping into the night. Afterwards, he couldn’t tell how he’d known, but he wasn’t surprised when he heard her speak.

“Also running from Dagur?”

He opened his eyes and turned to her when she stepped towards him and leaned her arms on the wooden banister. The golden light from the porch lamp caught in her eyes, illuminating the sky that lived inside them.

“Constantly,” he answered and watched the corners of her mouth twitch.

“That guy is nuts.”

Hiccup rolled his eyes. “You have no idea.”

When he didn’t continue, Astrid poked him with an elbow. “Hiccup, that kind of sentence usually precedes a story of some kind.”

“You really wanna hear about the time he thought trying to drown me in a lake was a fun game to play around children?” She snickered, briefly leaning into his side, a little unsteady on her feet. “Or when he decided to educate me in tough bro culture and took me camping in the woods for three days?”

Astrid let out a snort and he saw her shoulders shake in silent laughter.

“Yeah, picture that. Me and him sharing a small tent, hunting and fishing for our meals, with no bathroom or shower nearby. Only each other’s company and that of hundreds of insects and the beasts of the forest. Real manly bro stuff, just what every guy needs.”

She stopped holding back and what started as a chuckle soon grew louder, breaking Hiccup’s own deadpan façade as well.

After a minute, their laughter faded and they fell into comfortable silence. Even though it was dark and new clouds started gathering in the sky, concealing the moon and the few stars that had been visible before, the light from the house made it easy to take in the surroundings. The grass hadn’t been cut in a while, growing wildly all over the lawn. In the near distance, the silhouette of part of Berk’s forest defined the landscape. The faint smell of weed came wafting from another part of the garden.

“It’s really nice here,” she murmured, voice a little absent, as if she was deep in thought.

Blocking out the weed smell, he glanced over at her. “Yeah, it is.” She was still leaning on the banister, a soft smile gracing her features, contently gazing ahead. His eyes roamed the side of her face, her round cheeks, her button nose, her lips. A few strands of hair had fallen out of her braid and were stuck to her sweaty skin. His fingers twitched to reach out and–

He caught himself in the last moment, his hand already hovering in the air.

_Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!_ Wincing, he let his arm fall back at his side and swallowed hard. Where had _that _just come from?

“I… I’m… Um– “ he started, drawing her attention. Staring at her frown for a few moments, he opened and closed his mouth a couple times until he stepped back with a shake of his head. “I’m going to– I, I’m, I’m gonna go back inside.”

And with that, he darted back into the house, dodging Dagur and disappearing behind a wall of people.

He could still feel her confused scowl on the back of his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small note on Erik to avoid confusion: He doesn't have any significance in this story. His only purpose is to be a (vague) reference to a character from a completely different fandom. If you know who I'm referring to, you'll get a big virtual jar of cookies. :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I haven't updated in a while, but I've been struggling with writing in the last couple of weeks, so it took me a little longer to finish this chapter. Let's hope I'll manage the next one faster. Hey, you know what would help? Comments, kudos, and even more comments! :D

After he left Astrid on the porch, Hiccup avoided her all night. Every time he spotted her face in the crowd, her golden hair, her blue eyes looking around as if in search, he turned around and left the room. He was still a bit shaken, his heart drumming against his ribcage. He wanted to forget those strange little moments that had occurred between him and her, wanted to wash away the guilt fermenting inside him. But as he later realized, ignoring her and spending the rest of the night with Heather had been a futile attempt at doing that. Lightning had struck him, so hard that blue and white sparks were still flickering all over his body when he woke up the next morning, disoriented and confused, not just from the alcohol.

And no matter what he did, he just couldn’t forget her.

At first, he decided to leave this night behind. Block out each memory of thunder and light, of sparks, both pleasant and unpleasant. Pretending like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Because it hadn’t. He’d gone to a party; he’d met a group of people. One of them was a girl with breathtaking beauty and a soul pulling at his heart strings. People like her existed, people with a natural spell about them. He shouldn’t worry about it too much, shouldn’t let his mind spiral further.

Because that’s what he was doing; he was spiraling into it. It had been a weird night and Astrid had momentarily confused him. His mind had jumped to conclusions too fast, his brain sending out the wrong messengers and producing feelings of guilt where there should be none. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Hadn’t cheated on Heather, hadn’t even considered considering it. He’d been drunk. Comfortable with a person he’d easily connected with. But his mind had latched onto it and was now tormenting him, because everything it told him he’d done, he’d always been afraid of doing. He never wanted to hurt anyone, never wanted to be the jerk.

He reminded himself that overthinking was one of his talents. And that, if he allowed himself to go down that road again, he’d end up falling into his own hole once more, and soon enough he’d have to make a new appointment with Dr. Mala. So he told his brain to shut up and forget that anything ever happened.

He lasted for about three weeks.

It happened while he was watching a movie with Heather. It was a lighthearted film, the protagonists clearly in love and fighting all odds to be together. After a long day at work, the movie was a welcome opportunity to unwind, so Hiccup used his girlfriend’s shoulder as a pillow and gradually drifted off towards the end of the movie. One of the protagonists had just held a speech about true love, the words sinking into Hiccup’s brain and getting lost in the haze of slumber.

Suddenly, Heather moved, the motion of her shoulder waking him. As he rubbed his eyes and slowly came back to the here and now, he had to blink a few times when he expected Heather’s hair to be silken and blonde, her eyes to be sparkling blue. For the fraction of a second, upon realizing he was looking at black and green, he felt something akin to disappointment, and that was all he needed to fully come to again.

“I’m going to bed,” he exclaimed, absentmindedly wishing Heather a good night and almost missing her response.

“Want me to come too, or can I watch this first?”

Hiccup shrugged and yawned. “One of us has to know how it ends, right?” The movie was almost over, anyway. And then she could come to bed, snuggle up to him and remind him that his tired mind was simply messing with him again.

But as soon as his head hit the pillow, he was gone, dreaming of dragons with snake eyes that wanted him to touch the treasure, eyes gleaming in anticipation of what was going to happen if he did.

* * *

It had been five weeks and four days that he’d met Astrid when he saw her again.

The day started like every of the last 39 days. When Hiccup got out of bed, Heather was already in the kitchen, pouring coffee into his mug as soon as he came from the bathroom. She was already dressed, grabbing her jacket from where it was hanging over a chair at the kitchen table.

“Morning,” she greeted him in a hurry, planted a kiss on his cheek that made his stomach churn with guilt, and flung her purse over her shoulder.

“Morning,” Hiccup yawned, running a still sleepy hand through his bed hair and letting himself fall onto his usual chair.

“Milk is almost empty,” Heather said as she put on her shoes, not waiting for a reply before she opened the door. “See you tonight. Love you!”

She was gone before Hiccup could answer, the sound of her heels disappearing down the hallway until he faintly heard the door to the stairway fall closed.

“Yeah…” he mumbled, slowly spinning the mug on the tabletop. It was a Star Wars-themed mug with the inscription _Come to the dark side. We have coffee!_ that Heather had given him last Christmas. He stared at it with bleary eyes, still trying to escape the nightmare that had gripped him in his sleep with cold hands, after he had finally managed to fall asleep. Once again, he’d been lying wide awake late into the night, tossing and turning, Heather’s even breaths right next to him deafening to his ears.

He sipped at his coffee, the still hot liquid burning the tip of his tongue, like it so often did. This time, Hiccup didn’t even flinch. He deserved this.

Not exactly hungry, he used up the rest of the milk for his cereal and half-heartedly ate a few spoons full. He put the empty mug and almost full bowl in the sink, not bothering to clean anything. He didn’t have the energy; he’d lost it all to the nightmares.

“Maybe it’s just a phase,” he mumbled to himself as he headed to work. He continued to chant his mantra under his breath the entire morning, _it’s just a phase, it’s just a phase, just a phase_, ignoring the concerned glances from his co-worker. Fishlegs was his friend. He could see that something was bothering Hiccup. It was only a matter of time until he would finally confront him about it.

Fishlegs’ eyes were boring into the side of his skull. They burned through his skin, crossed the blood underneath, knocked on the thick bone that was his head. _Just a phase _didn’t open. Hiccup almost laughed as his mind put pictures to his thoughts. Fishlegs’ eyes were wearing khaki pants. Maybe Astrid would find it funny.

Hiccup groaned and let his head fall onto his desk with a painful thump, his forehead landing directly on his pencil. “Ow,” he made.

“Hiccup, are…” Fishlegs appeared in his peripheral vision, rolling closer on his chair. “Are you alright?”

Still with his face planted on his sketches, Hiccup sighed. “I’m in deep shit.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” his friend asked tentatively. Hiccup didn’t answer for a minute. He closed his eyes. His nose was uncomfortable on the hard surface. The pencil would surely leave a mark on his forehead.

“You know how I was at Heather’s brother’s birthday party a few weeks ago?” he asked, finally sitting up and facing the other man. He saw his eyes flick to his forehead for a split second.

“Yes, you told me about that. Or rather, you complained about the guy.”

“Well, I…” he hesitated, eyeing Fishlegs warily. How would he react? Would he judge him? Hiccup contemplated to simply wave it off, blaming his mood on something else, but when he tried to think of anything, his mind blanked, apart from the one image that has constantly been there for weeks. Blue eyes, like the sky, deep as an ocean. “I met someone.”

“What do you mean, you met someone?”

“I met a… a girl.”

Fishlegs’ face fell. “Ooh, I don’t like where this is going.”

“No, no!” Hiccup quickly put his hands up in a reassuring manner. “I didn’t cheat on Heather; I would never do that!”

Fishlegs still didn’t look happy, raising a brow and leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed.

“The judgmental energy isn’t helping me, Fish,” Hiccup said, rolling his eyes.

“Okay, okay, I’m not judging. I want to help you, so tell me what happened.” He still didn’t look convinced. Hiccup chose to concentrate on his pencil instead, rolling it between his fingers as he talked.

“Her name is Astrid. She’s the fiancée of one of Dagur’s best friends. Heather’s annoying brother,” he added at Fishlegs’ questioning look. “We had fun, drinking and playing stupid games.”

“And nothing happened?” When Hiccup didn’t answer, he made that concerned face again, voice rising a few levels. “You just said that nothing happened between you!”

“And nothing did! It’s just…” He sighed and tossed the pencil back on his desk. It rolled over the scattered sketches and was stopped in its path by his empty coffee mug with a short echoing clink. Occasional drops of rain that became more frequent by the minute were drumming against the window, for a while the only sound in the room. When Hiccup spoke again, his voice was quiet, the guilt seeping through, rasping at the edges. “I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know why; I only spent a couple hours with her. It’s unlike anything I ever felt for anyone, including Heather – and it’s terrifying me.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to think about other women at all when you’re in a relationship,” Fishlegs stated, and another sharp pang of guilt shot through Hiccup’s chest.

“I know, I know. Maybe I’m just obsessing over it too much. But…” His voice became even quieter and Fishlegs had to concentrate on hearing what he said. “When I look at Heather, there’s… nothing. Familiarity, perhaps. But whenever I try to do something romantic or… you know, intimate… to bring back the spark, it’s not her who’s on my mind. Even if she’s right in front of me.” He sunk back into his chair, shoulders slumped, a deep frown on his face.

“Did you talk to Heather about it?”

Hiccup shook his head. “I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt her. Besides, I keep telling myself that I’m simply overthinking again. Maybe it’s just a phase that I’ll get over.”

“You know,” Fishlegs started carefully, “I don’t think such _phases_ should come up at all.”

The statement rolled around in Hiccup’s stomach, razor-sharp thorns slashing his guts. He knew that his friend was right. But the mental defenses he had put up against the guilt wouldn’t crumble, the armor of the idea that it was a phase that would go by warding off sobering reality.

“I need some air.” He stood up and grabbed his jacket. The rain had turned into a consistent drizzle, the line were dark clouds met bright blue sky visible in the distance.

“Do you want some company? We could take our lunch break early.” Fishlegs half got out of his chair before Hiccup shook his head.

“No, I- I need…” He turned away, opening the door. “I need some time. I’ll figure something out.” And with that, he left, feeling the thoughtful eyes of his friend on his back until he turned around a corner at the end of the hallway. He took the stairs, darted out the front door of the building and kept walking, didn’t slow down, let his feet take him somewhere, anywhere, as long as they didn’t stop. _Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right._

He stared at his shadow, cast by the occasional ray of sunlight breaking through the blanket of clouds that followed him wherever he went. _Left, right, left, right, left, right._ His shadow led the way, the rest of his body followed. His surroundings shifted into a blur, his limbs moving on autopilot.

Fishlegs was right. He shouldn’t be thinking of another woman while he was in a relationship. It wasn’t fair to either of them, neither Heather nor himself. _Oh, this was all so messed up!_ Why couldn’t he just erase all memories of Astrid and bring everything back to how it was? But the longer he entertained that notion, the clearer it became that he didn’t want that.

The rain didn’t let up, the air around him humid and warm. His hair was starting to get soggy, small droplets of rain trickling down his neck. He should have brought an umbrella. But a tiny part of him, a dark part he had banished to a corner of himself, couldn’t stop thinking that he deserved this – getting slowly soaked in drizzle, impossibly humid air making his clothes cling to his body, agonizing over his feelings.

When he looked up the next time, he had to reorient himself for a minute. He was standing somewhere in the middle of Berk’s famously long shopping street, an ice cream parlor to his right and a bookstore to his left. The lunchtime rush brought more and more people to the streets, creating long lines in front of bakeries and pizza places, a sea of umbrellas flooding the entire pedestrian zone.

Following his growling stomach, Hiccup strolled over to the next food cart serving crêpe. As soon as he swallowed his first bite, he didn’t feel quite as though he was drenched in his own misery anymore. Standing under a canopy, munching on his lunch, he observed the buzzing crowd. There were groups of people, friends, co-workers, mothers pushing strollers, people on their phone, people with shopping bags. He wondered if any of them had ever fallen for a person while they were dating another. How would they handle it? Did they simply get over it and move on? Did they end the relationship and got involved with the other person?

Not that that was an option for him. Astrid wasn’t just off-limits for him because he was with Heather; she was also engaged to another man, and happily so, judging by her dynamic with Eret at the party. The _what-if_, though, was flashing through his mind despite the armor that was supposed to protect him from the guilt that immediately reared its atrocious head again.

He really needed to sort this out, needed to–

His heart stopped. He was overcome by a feeling akin to the brief moment of shock when missing a step on hazardous stairs. Then his heartbeat accelerated, pounding in his veins, drowning out the voices and noises around him. Memories of tingling electricity spread in his toes and fingertips, the sound of phantom thunder resounding in his ears. His vision narrowed, eyes seeing only her. _Astrid._

There she was, her own ray of sunshine, standing out from the crowd. Her expression was bright, the sound of her laughter resonating with the warm feeling that immediately spread in his chest. He couldn’t move, could only look at her, just like the first time he saw her. She had a bag flung over her shoulder, holding a marine blue umbrella in her other hand. Her attention was devoted to the man walking beside her, tall and strong and everything that Hiccup wasn’t.

All of a sudden, something in her expression changed. She came to a halt, angering an older man that had been walking right behind her and hurried past her after throwing her an annoyed look. Eret was already a few paces ahead of her when he noticed she wasn’t next to him anymore. Then, ever so slowly, she turned around, a confused scowl adorning her features. As soon as she locked eyes with him, the bright smile returned, and she waved.

Still too stunned to greet her back, he at least remembered the food in his hands and realized he was close to dropping it. Shoving the last piece of crêpe between his teeth, he tried not to panic as she came over, fiancé in tow.

“Hey, Hiccup!” she yelled, skipping a few small puddles and embracing him in a greeting hug. “So good to see you!” She smelled of something flowery and he tried to not inhale deeply.

He realized he’d never seen her in broad daylight before, where the sun breaking through the clouds illuminated her long hair so that it shone golden. The blue of her eyes seemed even deeper, and he discovered the faint wall of freckles that covered the bridge of her nose.

“Hi, Astrid. Hey, Astrid. Hi, Astrid. Hey. Hi, Astrid,” he stuttered, his efforts to keep calm evaporating into thin air. He mentally facepalmed. _Smooth, Hiccup._ But she didn’t seem to care, giving him a playful punch on the arm.

“Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it going?”

_You have no idea_, he thought. “I’m fine, same old, same old…” He tried to not look her in the eyes, which was hard; his attention kept circling back to the miniature skies inside them.

“Hey, man,” Eret greeted him when he caught up to them, and Hiccup gave him a polite nod. He hadn’t really talked to the man much back at the party.

“Eret and I are out looking for wedding dresses and suits. I’m not much of a dress type but some of them were seriously beautiful.” He could imagine. The next second, he rather tried not to. Not while he wasn’t the one in the matching suit. “What about you?”

“Oh, I’m not the type for pretty dresses, either, and I don’t have the physique for it.”

“Ha, ha,” she tried to sound unimpressed, but the twinkle in her eye betrayed her. It made his stomach flutter and he kept fighting against the smile that broke out over his face as soon as he let it.

“I’m on a break from work. Clearing my had a bit.”

“Right,” Astrid’s face lit up in interest, “I never asked you what you do.”

“Well, currently, I’m illustrating book covers and the occasional children’s book for Dragon’s Books. It’s not what I always saw myself doing while growing up, but it’s actually not that bad.”

“Sounds neat. Anything I might have read that you illustrated?”

He shrugged. “Don’t think so. I haven’t been with them so long yet so I’m getting all the nameless works for now.”

“Try me.” She put her hands on her hips and leaned slightly forward, a challenging spark in her eyes.

“Have you heard of _The Phantom of the Arena_?”

She thought for a minute. “Sounds like _The Phantom of the Opera_.”

“It’s inspired by it.”

“Is it good?”

“Oh yes, you should read it!” The flutter in his stomach increased. He wanted to talk to her about books for hours.

She turned to Eret who Hiccup had completely forgotten was still standing there. His secret hope about geeking out with Astrid fell. “Let’s go to that bookstore at the corner!”

Eret shrugged with one shoulder, looking down at his watch. Hiccup noticed it was a Jaeger, displaying another difference between himself and Eret: wealth. While Hiccup’s dad kept telling him to just take his money, he wanted to earn it himself.

“If we wanna do that, we need to go now before we have to head back.”

Astrid turned back to Hiccup with an excited smile and hugged him goodbye. He tried not to hold onto her for longer than was appropriate. “It was great seeing you, Hiccup.” With that, she left.

He watched her go, arm in arm with Eret. His heart was still pounding so hard in his chest, he was sure it was visible through his shirt, like in a cartoon. His skin was tingling where she had put her hands when she hugged him. The prickling hadn’t stopped, little jolts of lightning flashing through his nerves.

For the rest of the day, he kept thinking back to every second of that short conversation with Astrid. Every smile, every look, every word they shared. It was a miracle he got any of his work done. Fishlegs tried to talk to him about his love life issues again every few minutes, but Hiccup was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t answer. After a few failed attempts, his friend gave up.

He spent the entire bus ride home staring out the window, so lost in his predicament that he missed his stop and had to get out at the next one. The rain had let up, the early evening sun warming his neck as he walked the extra mile home.

It was scary how he didn’t even know Astrid past the few hours they spent together at a party and the few minutes today, but he’s never felt such a strong connection to anyone. He didn’t even know how that even made sense, because it couldn’t, could it? Everything about her kept drawing him in, from her mesmerizing eyes to the strong and self-confident woman that she was. He wanted to talk to her about things that he loved, wanted to hear about her opinions, her interests. Get to know her, be near her, _be with her_.

There didn’t seem to be a logical reason for all this, nothing he could figure out, like a puzzle or a mechanism. He couldn’t control it, couldn’t just fix this with a sleepless night worth of tinkering. He had to listen to his gut, or to his heart if he wanted to be romantic, and then hope that he didn’t destroy the scaffolding.

When he turned his key in the apartment door, his stomach was twisted in knots again, nerves tugging at his lungs. He closed the door behind him and threw his keys onto the small table next to the coat rack. As slow as possible, he took off his shoes, dreading the moment he had to face his girlfriend.

The clacking of fingernails on a keyboard sounded from the living room. Taking a deep breath, he hesitantly approached it. Heather was sitting on the couch, scrolling through something on her laptop, smiling at him when she saw him.

“Hey, how was your day?”

“It- it was fine.” He just stood there in the doorway, rigid, still wearing his jacket.

She looked back at her screen and suddenly, everything became utterly clear. The knot in his stomach was still there, but he knew that he had to do this, that this was what he wanted. He didn’t know if it was the right decision in general, but it felt right, determination replacing the feeling of guilt.

“I’m looking for cheap flights,” Heather said without taking her eyes off the screen. “We could go to Spain or Greece, maybe Rome. Just the two of us. Couple’s vacation, long overdue!” She finally looked up at him again. “What do you think?”

“I think…” He took a deep breath and stood up straight, voice as serious as his frown. “We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you telling me what you think motivates me to keep writing! :)


	4. Chapter 4

When her mother asked her if she was happy, Astrid thought it was a stupid question.

She was engaged, she was going to get married, and she was doing this because she wanted to. Because it felt right. How could she not be happy? Why would she have any doubts whatsoever, about Eret, about their relationship, about their shared future? So she just rolled her eyes and assured her mother that, yes, of course she was happy, and why would she even ask that?

“I know you, dear,” her mother said. “I just want to make sure that you’re not doing anything that you’re not one hundred percent sure about. You can be very stubborn when you set your mind to something, even if along the way you realize it’s not exactly what you wanted.”

“Mom, I’m sure,” she said. Because she was. She loved Eret and she could see herself spending the rest of her life with him. And that thought didn’t scare her in any way; she was rather excited about it.

Her mother didn’t ask again, but Astrid knew she would keep being concerned. It was probably a mother thing.

Really, the only time she’d not felt 100% happy recently had been at Dagur’s birthday party, although it had started out quite enjoyable. Dagur’s friends weren’t all nutjobs like him, and she’d met Hiccup – the dorky, sarcastic guy she’d immediately bonded with. They’d had such a good time and she’d thought they could become really good friends, perhaps. Then there’d been this moment between them, when it’d been just them out on the porch, and for a minute she’d forgotten that they’d only just met.

And then he’d left, so suddenly, standing right beside her in one moment and stuttering something about going back inside in the next, and then he’d practically run off. Not for the first time she wondered if he had run from _her_, but what reason would he have had for that? Normally, she would have written his behavior off as drunken gibberish, but for the rest of the night, he’d kept avoiding her.

She’d been a little hurt, she wasn’t going to lie – and confused, too. Whenever they’d made eye contact after that, he’d turned away and ignored her.

She wanted to punch him. She wanted to punch him and she couldn’t quite say why. What did it matter to her that someone she had literally just met didn’t want her company? Maybe she was disappointed, but it wasn’t like they were real friends, anyway, so she shouldn’t get hung up on that. She resolved to just punch him if she ever saw him again.

But when she finally did, she couldn’t.

Eret and she had both finally been able to take the same day off to run some wedding errands. They’d found a date a few months away and had gone into full planning mode. The venue was already booked and the invitations drafted.

They went into the city and looked for a good flower shop, found a place that would print the invitations, tried on wedding dresses and suits, and would have had just enough time to order the cake before they had to go back to pick up the finished invitations.

But then the feeling started. This feeling of electricity, of tiny jolts of lightning starting in the tips of her fingers that were wrapped around her umbrella, darting through her veins, her entire body, up into her ear lobes and down into her toes. She stopped in her tracks, not even noticing the angry man that almost ran into her from behind.

She had felt this before, once, and only once. It was both familiar and excitingly strange, exhilarating in the most pleasant way. It tucked at her, guided her, made her turn around.

And there he was, standing alone under a canopy, looking kind of forlorn. He was holding something to eat but his movements had stopped short, his body frozen, his eyes meeting hers. A smile broke out on her face, warming her like the sun that was slowly chasing away the clouds.

All her thoughts about punching him flew out the window the second she saw the spark in his green eyes when she greeted and hugged him. How could she ever intentionally hurt him? It seemed like the most impossible thing to do.

Faintly, she noticed Eret catching up to them, standing by her side and waiting. But her attention was solely focused on Hiccup, as if a magnetic field was pulling her in. She almost forgot that Eret was there. Only when Hiccup mentioned a book she should read, did her chain of thoughts - _book, bookstore, around the corner, errands, Eret_ \- remind her of his presence.

She hugged Hiccup goodbye, squeezing a little tighter when she noticed him do the same, for no particular reason, and left with the smile still on her face. There was something in the back of her mind – a thought, a feeling, she wasn’t sure – that briefly made her wonder if there was something she’d forgotten, something she was overlooking. But then Eret took her arm and that _something_ faded.

“Do you really want to browse books now?” Eret asked her as soon as Hiccup was out of earshot. “We won’t have time for the cake, and if we don’t pick up the invitations on time, we’ll have to pay an extra fee.”

She shrugged, finding no care in her for these things. “We’ll worry about the cake another time.”

“But this is the only day we have off together–”

“There’ll be another time, honey. I’m curious about that book right now.”

Eret sighed in defeat, well aware that she’d set her mind to this now. And for her, he would sit in a bookstore all day.

* * *

That night, Astrid dreamed again. It was no regular dream, one that slipped from her mind the moment she woke up. No, she’d had this dream once before, the exact same one. But she’d vowed to forget about it, to pretend it never happened, because it didn’t mean anything, couldn’t, _shouldn’t_. And she’d done a fairly good job of pushing it away until it returned full force, even more detailed and vibrant than the first time.

She’d first dreamed it the night of the party, when she and Eret had finally arrived home and gone to sleep. In it, she was on the porch again, with Hiccup. The stars were bright, the smell of rain so real, and the rest of the people so far away.

But this time, Hiccup didn’t all of a sudden act so weird, didn’t escape, didn’t disappear. Instead, while she was leaning against the banister, relishing the night, he lifted his hand and softly tugged a strand of hair behind her ear.

It was only them in this world, no party, no Heather, no Eret, no engagement. Nobody existed but them. She looked up at him, his hand still hovering near her face, and stepped closer. He did the same, cupping her cheek, thumb stroking over her skin. Her heart was a marching band, in tune with the thunder rolling through her nerves. Slowly, he leaned in and his lips touched hers, lightly at first, but more firmly when she responded.

Her eyes were closed, but garish bolts of lightning made bright spots appear behind her lids, rushing through her blood, sending her flying and falling and holding on tighter.

They kissed, and kissed, and touched, and it was them, still only them, always them, her and Hiccup. Their hands were wandering, further and further, creating miniature jolts everywhere they met. Blue and white, twitching, flashing, darting, connecting.

She woke up with a start, trembling and disoriented. Her head hurt from trying to catch up to reality, from trying to discern what had happened and what was real.

The even breaths of Eret next to her slowly helped her settle back into her pillow, her heart rate decelerating. _It was just a dream._ No need to work herself up over it. Her head was still pounding and she blamed it on too much alcohol, although she hadn’t even been that drunk. She turned onto her side and, after a while, fell back into a dreamless sleep. The next morning, she decided that it never happened, and so far, sticking to that had been working very well.

Until this day.

The dream returned, more realistic and intense than the first time. Again, she woke with a speeding heart, her mind’s eye still seeing him, as if he was here in her room. In her and Eret’s bedroom.

She couldn’t for the love of her make sense of this dream. She didn’t feel anything for Hiccup, nothing at all, because she was engaged and she was happy. She loved Eret, she wanted to marry him, she’d agreed to it, it had felt right doing so! She listened to her mind, to her heart, trying to find a single doubt about her decision to spend her life with Eret, but came up short. She wouldn’t lie to herself about this, about something she was so sure about.

Then why was there this tiny voice in her head now, asking her if she was being truly honest with herself?

It just didn’t make any sense to her why something would have changed, especially after one encounter with someone she still considered a potential friend, if they ever got to spend more time together. It couldn’t be Hiccup, no, there had to be another reason, another cause for her confusion. And she would find and eliminate it, so much was certain.

But doing so was turning out to be harder than she’d thought.

While Eret continued to be in this highly motivated wedding planning phase, it slipped from Astrid’s mind more often than she liked to admit. He had to remind her about the cake three times before she went and ordered it. She almost snapped at him to do it himself but caught herself in the last second. They’d agreed that, despite her occasional, well, malfunctions in the kitchen, she still had the better taste. And it wasn’t Eret’s fault that she was having troubles getting on the same motivational level as him, recently. Blaming it on her period was the easiest way to settle the argument with herself.

About a week later, Astrid made a discovery about herself. Not only did it help enlighten her confusion about the Hiccup-related incidents, it also gave her a surprising new insight into her sexual feelings.

The idea came to her while she was having sex with Eret. Out of nowhere, it popped up in her head, and in her aroused state, she thought, _why the hell not_. So she closed her eyes and pictured a tall, lean body with broad shoulders and muscles that were there but nowhere near as defined as Eret’s. She visualized a sharp jaw and freckles, auburn hair and a lopsided smile, kind and witty.

It really got a kick out of her.

Later, when she was snuggled under the covers, her fiancé already asleep next to her, she thought about it. That the reason for her confusion, the cause for that specific dream, was actually pretty simple. Some part of her was attracted to Hiccup – but not him in particular. No, just someone so different to Eret, who she had been for a long time now; someone who was representing the opposite of him. After several years with one man, how could someone blame her for being curious?

Of course, it couldn’t stay that way forever. She couldn’t keep imagining body types and personalities different to that of the man who she had agreed to stay with for the rest of her life. She needed her focus to return completely and solely to her fiancé. Boring sex would not be the cause for her impending marriage to fail. She needed to find a way to spice up her sex life, something new and exciting, something they’d never tried before. And she already knew who to ask.

* * *

“Yes, mama, this looks promising!” Ruffnut exclaimed as she entered the bar before Astrid.

It was a regular bar, mostly clean, not too cramped, with tables, booths, a small stage for live music. Astrid didn’t know what about this place screamed _promising_ to Ruff, but then again, she also didn’t know what exactly they were looking for.

Her maid of honor had decided to throw her the traditional bachelorette party including barhopping, sashes and tiaras, shots, more shots, and dollar bills to put in G-strings. So she had taken Astrid out to find a number of bars and clubs they could hop between, ranging from shady back-alley places to rather fancy strip clubs.

On her remark that the surprise would be lost if the bride-to-be already knew everything her maid of honor had planned for her, her friend simply answered that Astrid didn’t even know half of it. Knowing Ruffnut, it would be either a night to remember or one to forget because of a massive hangover.

But Astrid had another reason to tag along on Ruffnut’s search for places to get drunk in. In every place they’d been so far, they’d tried one of their drinks, which meant that they were now in a state where talking about these things was easier. Not that Astrid had any problems with talking about sexual topics with her oldest friend, but if she didn’t want Ruff to annoyingly tease her for hours before actually cutting to the chase, she needed the help of alcohol.

“You get a table,” Ruff called over her shoulder, “and I get us something to drink and talk deets with the bartender.” With purposeful strides and a mischievous grin on her face she made a beeline for the poor guy behind the counter. Ruff would probably try to flirt her way through the conversation, but she could come across as a bit _much_ sometimes.

Astrid’s pity for the man wasn’t lasting for long, though. Whatever thought she’d just had, it evaporated the moment she let her eyes scan the scarcely crowded area and got caught on a figure slumped over a table in a corner booth. Hiccup.

Memories of kisses and touches that had never happened flashed through her mind. Shaking her head as if that would help her get rid of the images, she took a deep breath and walked over to him.

He was alone, picking at the label of his beer bottle. He looked miserable, and she didn’t like it.

“Hey,” she greeted him and slipped into the opposite side of the booth. He flinched and looked up, a deep thought escaping from his eyes that lit up the moment he recognized her.

“Hi.” His voice sounded subdued; his smile seemed genuine but wasn’t even nearly living up to its potential.

It made her frown. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated, gluing his eyes to the bottle in his hands, slowly spinning it on its slightly soggy cardboard coaster. “I…” he started and halted his movements for a second, but then decided against whatever he was about to say and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, you’re probably in a good mood and I don’t want to spoil–“

“Hiccup, I asked,” she interrupted him and pointedly looked at him with what she hoped was an encouraging smile and not a glare.

He dipped his bottle back and forth, watching the liquid inside slosh around with each motion. “Heather and I broke up. I… _We_ decided to end it.”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Hiccup.”

“Don’t be. It was probably for the best.”

“Was it bad?”

The crease between his brows deepened and his shoulders started moving yet before he even resumed talking. “Well… I hoped that we could still be friends because I, you know, I care about her.” He sighed. “But she wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to trust me again.”

Astrid raised her eyebrows. “Ouch. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he hurried to say, in a tone as if he wasn’t having this conversation for the first time. “It’s just…” He wrinkled his forehead, concentrating on fiddling with the label of his beer again which was slowly peeling off. “I realized that I didn’t feel _like that_ for her anymore and it wouldn’t have been fair to either of us to keep this relationship going. And besides, I… I met someone else.” He briefly looked up at her before directing his attention at the coaster instead, picking it up and rotating it in his hands.

“So you fell out of love with Heather and then in love with someone else?”

He shook his head. “No, I think it happened more gradually with Heather. And I’m not in love. I don’t know what these feelings are.”

She chewed on the inside of her cheek, studying him. He was still barely looking at her, shoulders slumped, the frown ever-present on his face. “Maybe it was just your heart telling you that you didn’t want to be in that relationship anymore,” she mused. “Maybe the feelings you think you have for that other girl were just a tool of your own mind.”

His lips twisted into a sad, knowing smile before he finally looked at her again. “If there’s something I’m sure about – other than not having romantic feelings for Heather – it’s that I’m definitely not imagining whatever it is I feel for y–“ he stopped mid-sentence, a faint blush covering his cheeks, and he dropped his eyes again before he finished his sentence, “…for the other one.”

“So, are you going to do something about it?”

“I can’t,” he mumbled.

“Why not?”

He took a deep breath before he answered. “Because she’s engaged.”

In one quick rush, tingles shot through her body, leaving a numb feeling in her fingertips and echoes of adrenaline in their wake. It was over before Astrid could blink.

“Oh.” Her tongue suddenly felt heavy while a new thought crossed her mind; a thought that made fresh currents of electricity shoot through her chest. How many people did he know that were engaged?

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him, heart pounding in her chest for a reason she didn’t want to think about. After a minute of silence, he lifted his head and locked eyes with her. They were as green as in her dream, and she got caught in them, sinking deeper with every second, every breath that left her lungs. Everything started to tingle again; this strange, particular sensation spreading in her limbs.

“This place is down to clown!” Ruffnut’s loud voice made them flinch and the moment was broken. Astrid felt like waking from some kind of deep trance.

Ruffnut made attempts to slide into the booth next to Astrid, rambling on about the drink menu and her talk with the bartender. But before Astrid could scooch over for her, Hiccup emptied his beer with a few large gulps and stood.

“I better leave,” he mumbled, grabbing his jacket and putting it on. “You guys have fun,” he continued with forced enthusiasm, “but I’m tired and- and- I’ll leave you to it, then.” With a strained smile and a wave, he made his way to the door and disappeared into the night. Astrid stared after him.

“So who was that?” Ruff pulled her out of her thoughts, now sitting on Hiccup’s vacated place and sliding a colorful cocktail across the table.

“Hiccup. He was at Dagur’s party.” Her eyes travelled back to the door once more, but he was long gone.

Ruffnut didn’t seem to have picked up on the vibe, simply shrugging at the info and jumping back to her report on the bartender and what that meant for the bachelorette party. Shaking herself out of it, Astrid listened, sipping the awfully sweet but nicely throat-burning drink, and eventually discussed Ruff’s plans. But her heart wasn’t really in it; her thoughts were still with Hiccup and how the chances were that he’d been referring to _her_ earlier, when he’d told her about his feelings.

And what would that even mean for her? How did she feel about that?

“Ruff, I need your help,” she exclaimed when the other woman was draining the remains of her glass’s contents.

“That’s what a maid of honor is there for, baby!” She grinned and put her arms on the table, leaning forward. “What can I help you with today?”

Astrid bit her lip, considering if she really wanted to talk about this, but she was too eager to get herself back on track to dismiss it now.

“What’s the craziest bedroom stuff you can think of? But please nothing gross like adding a boar or whatever you have on your mind right now. We’re talking normal people stuff here.”

Her friend’s grin grew wider and wider and she winked. “Wanna spice it up, huh?”

“What can I say,” Astrid said with a shrug and an innocent smile, “engagement life is adventurous.”

“Oh dear, you’ve come to the right person.” Ruff cracked her knuckles. “Let mama give you some advice.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sips tea and waits for your thoughts and opinions*


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me :D But I have a present for you instead: this. (Please bear with me, I'm very tired.)

With an exhausted sigh, Astrid’s head hit the pillow. It was well past midnight and Eret was fast asleep, snoring on the bed next to her. She barely noticed it, distracted by a weird tingly feeling, as if her limbs were numb. But they were instead filled with energy, as if she’d just had a year’s worth of caffeine. She chose to blame it on the few drinks she’d had, not on the involvement of someone she was definitely not thinking about _again_. Not when she finally had a real plan to shove him out of her mind.

Ruffnut had had many suggestions; some horrifying, some actually good, some just plain gross – nothing she hadn’t expected. Astrid would have to procure a few supplies for some of the ideas, but then there would be no stopping her. She would seduce her fiancé, have mind-blowing sex and never think of another man again.

Making a mental shopping list for the following days was the last thing on her mind before she fell asleep.

She had the usual dream, much to her chagrin. Hiccup and she were standing on the porch of Dagur’s house; Heather didn’t exist and neither did Eret. Everything felt like it was supposed to be like this. Only this time, it wasn’t him who kissed her. When his fingers touched her face, she grabbed him by the shoulders, losing no time, and crashed her lips on his. A fire ignited in her core, spread first to her heart, then to her lower abdomen.

She blinked and found herself in a bedroom. There was a desk covered in pieces of paper she didn’t spare a second look at, busy getting rid of her clothes. In the back of her mind, she registered a wardrobe, a chair, some shelves and lots and lots of books. There was a pile on the floor and she lost sight of it when Hiccup’s shirt landed on it.

He reached to the side and opened his bedside drawer, revealing everything she’d just put on her mental list. The fire burned and spit and crackled and heat enveloped her. Soon their bodies were drenched in sweat, twisting and arching and embracing – until a powerful strike of lightning shot straight through where they were joined.

Astrid woke with a start, her heart beating like crazy. She was panting, hot and sweaty underneath her pajamas. Her lips whispered the ghost of Hiccup’s name and she found her hand between her legs. She pulled it back as if she’d just had an electric shock.

A quick check of the clock told her it was the middle of the night. As she was slowly winding down, a cool breeze drifting in through the ajar window, cooling the sweat on her forehead, she squeezed her eyes shut.

“_Shit_,” she hissed. Okay, maybe it wasn’t just some mild attraction or curiosity towards a certain type that Hiccup happened to fall under. Maybe it was him. And maybe she had a problem with admitting this to herself without the help of a word used to express uncertainty.

So what did that mean for her now? She was very attracted to someone. The dream she kept having was probably a scheme conducted by her own mind; it had been trying to tell her what she’d just come to admit.

Usually, she would just get it out of her system by sleeping with him for real. But the circumstances – namely her being engaged and in a long-term relationship with another man – were blocking that path. It would be cheating, and even if she told Eret about it and asked for his permission, he would never be okay with it. And quite frankly, neither would she, were the roles reversed.

It all still came down to the fact that whatever attraction she felt towards Hiccup, she needed to get over it. That’s why she’d talked to Ruff about sex in the first place; only now, there was a particular face to the feelings she’d generalized before.

Her plan still stood: Spice it up with Eret and try not to picture anyone else during the act, or before, or afterwards, or any time at all. Especially not Hiccup.

With that goal in mind, she went back to sleep, daring her brain to make her have the same dream again. Her inner glare didn’t work. In the morning, she had to take care of the fire by jumping Eret before she went to work.

A few days and nights filled with steamy dreams later, Eret’s eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw her in her new outfit. All his blood rushed to attention when she unpacked her bag to reveal the peculiar toys and gadgets she had gone out and bought for them.

_This oughta work_, she thought as she felt the old familiar excitement pool in her stomach.

Later that day, she was lying on the bathroom floor next to Eret, entirely spent and happier than she’d been in weeks. Realizing that gave her a good feeling about the situation. She’d managed to concentrate on Eret and Eret only, only slipping up once while she’d had her eyes closed and in a moment of shuttering bliss saw green eyes behind her lids.

That night, she finally dreamed about something other than Hiccup, something mundane that was gone from her memory the moment she opened her eyes in the morning. It had been dull and boring compared to the other past nights, but Astrid still let out a sigh of relief.

Only for the next night to be full of Hiccup again. Both her and Eret’s day had been filled with work and they’d had no time for any shenanigans. She figured their new sexual adventures worked like cheap medicine; it prevented her mind from conjuring Hiccup but it didn’t heal her for good. It seemed like she would have to up her game another notch.

After a while, the sex dreams stopped and Astrid was hopeful that her plan had come to fruition. But instead, she dreamed of his smile and eyes warming her, of cuddling close to him, being happy with him, simply _being with him_. That electric sensation was always with her, the whole night long. And still, in those dreams, Eret never existed.

It took her a few more weeks of denial and wedding preparations that felt more like chores than inciting tasks until she gave in.

She woke from another dream of her and Hiccup doing ordinary couple’s activities, like baking together or going shopping for a lazy Friday night. The worst thing was that she’d just baked a cake with Eret the other day. Now when she tried to recall that afternoon, images from her dream overlapped with reality, and some part of her that she’d buried deep within her would have preferred the dream version.

_It’s just because the cake in the dream didn’t end up burned_, she thought, _that’s the only reason–_

She exhaled slowly and accepted defeat.

_Fuck_.

She had feelings for someone other than her fiancé, feelings that transcended a simple sexual attraction. She wasn’t sure what exactly these feelings were, though, and what they meant.

Her head was spinning and the ground felt like it was pulled from under her feet. She was losing the battle; her strategy hadn’t worked and she had conflicting feelings towards the enemy’s forces.

The day blurred by, everything touched by a new light, a light either peaceful or dripping with threat.

That night, when she was in bed, feeling Eret’s warm breath on the back of her head and his arms enveloping her from behind, his snores the only sound in the whole apartment, she couldn’t sleep.

She and Hiccup had spent so damn little time together; it made no sense that she was feeling this way now. But she was, and there was no rhyme or reason to it.

The hours passed by, evident by the dying sound of traffic outside her window and the masses of thoughts that wandered through her mind.

At some point of the night, she recalled the conversation she’d had with Hiccup in the bar. The one in which he’d told her about him and Heather, and him and his feelings for someone else. Someone who was engaged. Like her. What if he _had_ been talking about her?

That thought wouldn’t leave her, wouldn’t release its grip on her, its claws cutting deeper and deeper.

Eret let out an exceptionally loud snore that made Astrid flinch. In that moment, his strong arms around her suddenly meant nothing to her and she wondered how skinny, lean arms around her would feel; not just the ones from her dream but their real equivalents, in flesh and bone.

She lied awake into the early hours of the morning, when the streetlamps went out and the first cars rolled through the streets. When she finally fell asleep, she once again dreamed of green eyes and the kindest smile she’d ever seen.

* * *

“That’s the last of them.” With a loud thud, the box landed on the ground, in-between a chaos of other moving crates, random pieces of clothing, and forgotten cold takeout food.

“Alright,” Stoick said, fiddling with his car keys. “I need to get back to the office. Will you be okay?”

Hiccup stretched his arms over his head and winced when his back popped. Moving so many heavy boxes up the stairs to the third floor made him appreciate elevators even more – not that he hadn’t before. “Thanks, dad. We’ll be alright.”

“Well then,” Stoick nodded and waved his son goodbye. “See you on Saturday.”

“Bye, dad. Thanks for the help.”

“Oh, don’t mention it.” He smiled good-naturedly and turned around, almost bumping into Fishlegs who carried a pile of Hiccup’s books. Stoick prevented the pile from falling to the floor by grabbing it with his large hands. When he gave it back to Fishlegs, he leaned in and said in a low voice, “Make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“I heard that, you know,” Hiccup mumbled, rummaging through the boxes in search of his phone.

With a last goodbye, Stoick left the apartment and unintentionally slammed the door closed behind him, whistling as he walked out of the building.

Fishlegs carefully put the pile of books on a free space on the couch and dropped down next to it. “You know that he means well. We both do.”

With a triumphant _HA!,_ Hiccup fished his phone out of a box full off sketching supplies and old notebooks. While he scrolled through his apps to find one for ordering takeout, he sat on another box. “I know that you do, and I appreciate it, but you don’t have to act like I’m fatally ill or about to rob a bank the second you leave me alone.” He found the app he’d been looking for, selected some food and passed it over to his friend.

“Well, you did just come out of a three-year relationship. And then there’s the whole Astrid thing…”

Accepting the phone back and finalizing the order, Hiccup rolled his eyes. “I’m glad my parents don’t know about that part, especially my dad.”

Fishlegs watched him for a minute until he asked, “Have you seen her again after the last time you talked?”

Hiccup looked up from his phone. “Which one? Heather or Astrid?”

“Astrid.”

“Not after I met her at McCally’s.” Where he had almost let it slip that he liked her. He sighed, tossed his phone to the side and made a face when it ricocheted off another pile of books. Roughly half of his stuff consisted of books; most of them his own, the rest he had to read for work.

“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Fishlegs suggested carefully. “You can’t grow more attached to her when you don’t get the chance to see her.”

“Maybe.” Hiccup knew his friend was right, but he still felt like every new day without her was like a year without rain.

“Has Heather called you back?”

“No,” he sighed. “Give her some time. When she feels hurt and betrayed, she needs some space.”

He’d been to their – no, her – apartment this morning to load all his stuff into the moving truck, but she hadn’t been there. When he’d left his key on the kitchen table, taking one last look around, he’d spotted the invitation taped to the fridge. He’d gulped and bolted the place.

“Do you think she’ll come around?”

Hiccup shrugged. “I hope so. I don’t feel any ill will towards her and three years together does create a bond.”

“I hope so, too.” Fishlegs looked around the chaos and Hiccup could read it on his face that he didn’t like the mess but wasn’t too keen on sorting it out just yet. Their stomachs rumbled in unison. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”

Hiccup got up from his seat on the crate and started to push the boxes all to one side, blocking out the glances his friend was throwing him. “It’s my fault that she’s hurt.”

“But you can’t choose who you love. And you said yourself that you’d stopped loving her even before you met Astrid.”

Hiccup wiped a hand over his face. “Yes, we’ve been over this. I know all that. Will you give me a hand with this?”

With Fishlegs’ help, they cleaned the place so far that there was enough space to comfortably eat and walk around in no time.

“I also hope I don’t run into Dagur before I talked to Heather. He’s kind of unpredictable.”

“And crazy,” Fishlegs added.

“And that, yes. Thank you for reminding me.”

The doorbell rang and Hiccup opened, bringing in their food. After some searching, they found the paper towels and sat at the kitchen table, digging into their burgers and fries.

“But seriously,” Fishlegs spoke up after a few minutes of silent eating, “you’ll be okay, right? You know you can drop by anytime; my couch is always there for you. And me too, of course. Like, if you need to talk or just vent or anything–”

“I know, bud,” he interrupted him and lifted a fry for Fishlegs to tap with one of his. “I’ll be fine, though. Besides, it’s not like I don’t have a life outside of my ex-girlfriend and the Astrid thing. In fact, I’m going out for brunch with my mom tomorrow morning; on Saturday, I’ll go visit a family friend with my dad. And I’m still on for bowling night next week with you and the guys.”

“Good.” He took a large bite out of his veggie burger. “Jus’ don’ think abou’ her too much.” A blob of sauce dripped on his hands.

While Fishlegs cleaned his fingers, Hiccup raised one eyebrow. “Sure, I’ll just do that.” When his friend lifted his head to give him a pointed look, he put on a confident smile. “I’ll try.”

* * *

He did try. He just didn’t last that long.

Not long after Fishlegs had left that night, she showed up in his thoughts again and wouldn’t leave. She’d made herself at home in his heart and he wasn’t able to throw her out. They would have to talk about the rent soon, though.

He imagined lots of different way their conversation in the bar could have gone. What if he’d told her that he liked her – really liked her – or what if he’d stayed instead of running, again? It was the same as when he’d bolted from the porch during Dagur’s party. What would have happened if he’d stayed? Both times, he might have exchanged phone numbers with her, stayed in touch, become friends. Friends, best friends, hoping for more.

But no matter what he imagined, every situation had him back up to the same problem. She wouldn’t fall for him the way he fell for her; sudden and quick like lightning in his heart. She was engaged. He’d never even had a chance with her.

He pondered finding out where she lived – no, wait, that was creepy – or where she worked. He could just go and tell her. Then he’d find out what would happen. Maybe it’d be like in the movies. He’d confess his feelings and she’d confess that she’d been feeling the same way the whole time. And then she’d leave her fiancé and kiss Hiccup and they’d be together for the rest of their lives.

But he wasn’t in a movie and Astrid was engaged.

She hadn’t made any moves to befriend him further, either. She’d never asked him to keep in touch. _Maybe she would have, if you hadn’t run away two of the three times you saw her_, a voice in his head chided him. He let himself fall backwards on his bed, inadvertently knocking his head on the headrest.

“Ow,” he made and rubbed the spot, already feeling a small bump forming there.

He didn’t even know if he could be around her as a friend, anyway, when every time he saw her, he wanted to hold her, kiss her, never let her go, because she was pulling him in with a rope fastened around his soul.

On a particularly rainy day, he was hiding under his favorite blanket on the couch, zapping through channels in a desperate attempt to distract himself from his thoughts. When nothing could hold his attention for long, though, he briefly entertained the idea of crashing the wedding, holding on to the tiniest sliver of hope that she might want to be with him. He knew when and where it was held, thanks to the invitation on Heather’s fridge. He figured she must be close to Eret, or she was invited by extension of Eret’s buddy Dagur.

But crashing a wedding – that was stupid, wasn’t it? He’d make such a fool of himself and an entire wedding mob would scream at him, Dagur would grab him and take him to some secluded place where he could murder him or beat him up for Eret to do the rest. He might make Astrid uncomfortable; he respected her feelings and didn’t want to force anything onto her. But if she chose him…

He pondered back and forth for the entirety of some blockbuster movie on TV that he didn’t even register. Shortly after the credits started rolling and it cut to ads, he jumped up and rummaged around his boxes. His tie had to be _somewhere_.

But then he stopped himself, realizing he was being selfish. Astrid had already made her decision. He had no right to challenge that, especially not on her wedding day. He respected her feelings so he had to respect her decisions as well, no matter if he came out holding nothing.

No, crashing her wedding, only to be thrown out and resented by Astrid for the rest of his life, wasn’t an option. He had to get to grips with that.

But with every passing day, every week that ended, every hour, minute, second that went by, the wedding date came closer. And with that, it hurt more and more.

It was like a raging fire burning a hole inside him, licking at his insides, at his heart, at the spots where that first bolt of lightning had struck him. Every thought of her saying yes to Eret was like salt and acid to the wound.

All of it, it scared him, because it was so intense. Because he didn’t know why. Because he had no idea what he could possibly do against it.

And the fire burned brighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me presents in form of comments, if you like :3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This is already way longer than I planned, so I had to split it. But it's working better this way, anyway.)  
(For some reason, I get more anxious with every chapter I post.)  
But here you go.

“Alright,” Eret said, put his empty pizza plate on the couch table and turned his body so he was facing Astrid.

“What?” she looked up from her cold, half-eaten food and frowned.

Eret gestured at her plate. “You usually love tuna.”

“I’m not that hungry,” she shrugged, turning her attention back to the TV screen. A CGI man was advertising a toilet cleaner.

Eret followed her eyes. “What are we watching?”

“Ads.”

“And what have we been watching before?”

She scowled at him. “Is this an interrogation?”

He sighed and put his arm on the backrest of the couch, shuffling closer. “Love, you’ve been kind of distracted lately. Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

She averted her face, afraid that, if he looked into her eyes right now, he would see everything, read every thought and emotion she’d battled in the past few months. “I’m fine.”

His fingertips lightly grazed her shoulder as he whispered her name. “You know you can tell me anything.”

She knew that. She trusted him. Otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed to marry him. And she had been entertaining the thought of spilling everything to Eret, but every time she opened her mouth, it closed all on its own before she could get out a single word. Telling him she’d been drawn to another man for a while now didn’t seem like something to share with your fiancé, especially this close to the wedding.

She was sure that she could deal with it herself. There was no need to further complicate things by getting Eret involved; it would only create unnecessary drama between them. Besides, the moment she said yes in front of the officiator and a whole lot of witnesses, this little problem of hers wouldn’t matter anymore anyway.

“It’s just…” She put her plate away and crossed her arms. “I’m just worried that something will go wrong, that something will get messed up and our perfect day is ruined.” She convinced herself that she wasn’t essentially lying to Eret. What she’d just said was the truth, after all; it just wasn’t the main reason why she’d been distracted.

He laid an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. “Everything will be fine. And do you know how I know that?”

“Enlighten me.”

“Because I know you, and I know that you won’t let it come that far. Because you’re a force to be reckoned with. And dare I say, even more so than myself.”

She shrugged with one shoulder and nodded. “True. But it only needs one moron to drop the cake or break the camera. And what if the officiator drops out or someone loses the rings, or what if one of us gets sick? A perfect day would be ruined.”

“I think everyone’s too afraid of you to mess anything up.” When Eret’s smile met her unamused expression, he kissed the top of her head and looked at her softly and earnestly. “Even if something should go differently than how we’d planned it, it will still be magical. No spoiled cake or dirty dress could keep me from marrying you, because as long as I’m with you, nothing else matters.”

He had a point. The whole purpose of the event was for them to tie the knot, to commit to their love, and everything else came second. It didn’t keep her from worrying, but it soothed her concerns a little. She turned her head to kiss him. “Love you.” As his smile widened, she poked his chest with a stern finger. “But I’ll still make everyone’s lives hell so that everything goes as planned!”

Eret chuckled. “I’m sure you will, love.” He turned back to the TV show they’d been watching, but Astrid still wasn’t able to concentrate on TV cops and their precinct shenanigans. Her thoughts kept circling back to her wedding and everything that could go wrong, and that included distractions from certain green-eyed heart snatchers.

At least Eret had dropped the subject.

* * *

Astrid counted each stroke of her arms as she cut through the water. She pushed herself to swim faster, tasted chlorine on her tongue as her breaths cut shorter and her lungs started to burn. Pushing off of the end of the pool, she started on her last lap. As her remaining bit of energy began to subside, the rhythm of her strokes became messier and when her hand touched the tiles, she was a few feet off of her lane.

Breathing heavily, she pushed her swimming goggles on top of her cap and swam over to where her mother had been timing her.

“How– how was it?” she panted, brushing her wet bangs out of her face, scowling when one strand of hair kept sticking to her skin.

Wilma Hofferson squinted at the timer in her hand. “Ten seconds slower than before. And twelve slower than last week.”

Astrid huffed. Ten seconds?! She was slacking off. “Great…” she mumbled, lungs still burning, and went to swim a lazy lap. How could that have happened? She’d not been this bad since she’d broken her arm in her last year of school.

Her mother came up beside her and silently swam with her, once in a while casting sideway glances at her daughter. They passed an old couple and their grandchildren treading water in the middle of their lane. Astrid shot them annoyed looks they didn’t notice, her frustration incompatible with the kids’ jolly laughter. One of them had green eyes. She swam faster.

“Astrid,” her mother called after her but Astrid didn’t stop before she reached the edge of the pool. She put her arms on the tiles and placed her head on top, listening to the slurping sound of water sloshing over the edge and disappearing down the drain, until her mother caught up with her.

Wilma set her eagle eyes on her. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Astrid huffed again. “About what, my abysmal times?”

“I mean the reason for why you’re so tense and unconcentrated. Are you stressed?”

“Of course I’m stressed, the wedding’s only a week away and my veil is still at the cleaner, the band cancelled on us and none of the other available ones have called us back.”

“Hm.”

Astrid met her mother’s thoughtful gaze. “What?”

“That’s not it.”

“What do you mean, that’s not it?”

“Those are reasons to be stressed about, yes, but not for you. At least not to this extent.”

She tilted her head at her mother with raised eyebrows. “It’s my wedding, mom. I want it to be perfect.”

Wilma wasn’t convinced. “But is it the real reason why you’re so distracted?”

“Oh please, don’t you start with this as well.” Eret still kept reassuring her that everything would be fine, each time throwing another rock on the pile on top of her chest. “It’s like I said, I want everything to be perfect, and so far, it doesn’t look perfect.”

She turned away from her mother’s eyes scanning her like an ultrasound and swam another lap on her back, staring at the ceiling, water in her ears drowning out the screams and shouts echoing around the swimming hall.

She relished the weightless feeling of floating on water. It took away the suffocating heaviness of the rocks on her chest. She needed to get rid of them. They wouldn’t look pretty on her wedding dress.

Her mom was waiting for her when she returned, face of concern still in place. “Astrid…” she started again and Astrid sensed at the tone that a motherly lecture was coming. But what she asked was the same question Astrid had already found stupid the first time she’d heard it. “Are you happy, dear?”

“Mom–“

“And don’t brush me off, I know my own child.”

Astrid resisted to ask why they were having this conversation then. Instead, she pointed at the diving pool. “Look, the three meter is open. I want to jump.” She hefted herself out of the water and ignored her mom’s calls. She climbed the tower and did a perfect dive. At least one achievement today.

It was when she was blow-drying her hair later that her mother tried again. She waved her over to the swimming hall’s coffee area and Astrid knew she wouldn’t get out of this one. She bit her lip in hesitation. When she was young, her mother had always been stern, always pushing her to be better, to achieve the next best level. Astrid had inherited her stubbornness, her persistence and ambition, but there had been times when all she’d wanted was to go out with her friends or spend a lazy afternoon on the couch instead of doing rigorous training.

That had put a strain on their relationship and when Astrid had moved out after school, it had taken them a few years of awkward talks, hardheaded fights and rocky reconciliations to grow closer again. Now, she felt like she could understand her mother better, seeing a lot of herself in her. But that exactly meant that she still hesitated to talk to her about emotional matters, knowing full well about both their usually direct and practical nature.

She dried and combed her hair, taking her time putting it in a neat braid over her shoulder, before she grabbed her back and sauntered over. Sitting down at the table, she found her mother had already ordered for her. One black coffee, one shot of milk, no sugar. The same order as her mom’s.

“Astrid,” she started again and Astrid looked to the side, through the glass wall providing her a panorama view over the entire swimming hall. The line at the waterslide was growing. A group of kids was being reprimanded by a pool attendant. A water aerobics class was beginning in a corner.

“You can talk to me.”

The eyes that met her own wanted nothing but to help her, to see her happy, a deep attachment that could only exist between mother and child encouraging her to open up, to let herself fall into her arms and be protected.

“You want this wedding to be perfect but whatever you do, it doesn’t meet your standards. I think that maybe it’s because it’s not what you want.”

Astrid stared at her, struggling with the gate in her protective wall.

“What do you want?” The soft tone of her voice and the honest concern in her eyes conflated into the key that finally fit. It turned and the gate swung open.

“I’m having doubts, mom,” she confessed, voice almost a whisper, and the first boulder rolled off her chest, back to the pool, into the water, sinking to the ground. She gulped, but when her mother’s eyes were nothing but encouraging, she told her everything.

She told her about Hiccup, about the first time she saw him, about the way her heart was still beating when she thought back to that night. About how he was with her in almost every thought and dream. How drawn she was to him. But she also talked about her feelings for Eret. There was still love and a connection, a deep friendship, a bond. A passion, different to the one she felt for Hiccup. She told her about how she’d been so sure of herself and what she wanted her whole life, but now? There was a new variable in the equation and she didn’t know what to do with it. She’d never been particularly good at math.

When she finished, her mother considered her silently for a few minutes in which Astrid sipped her lukewarm coffee and fiddled with a sugar pack, awaiting the judgement. She stared at a point on the water’s surface close to the edge of the pool right behind the glass, watched tiny wave after tiny wave climb the tiles and crash back down.

Wilma took a deep breath, catching her daughter’s attention. “I feel like I’m repeating myself here, but I want you to be happy, my dear. I know that this situation is not easy for you, but your decision should be quite simple.” She placed a gentle hand over Astrid’s on the table. “Do what makes you happy, and only you. This is your life. Don’t fit it to someone else’s feelings, because if you only do that, you will keep coming up short.”

“I know,” Astrid whispered, “but I don’t know what to do.”

“And I can’t make that decision for you. Getting married is a big step, and an impactful one at that. Do what’s right for you. Do what _feels_ right. And don’t let others influence what it is you want. You mold your own life.”

Astrid nodded absently. She couldn’t control what she felt for Hiccup. But she could control her own life, with Eret. With him, she had certainty, security, a promise – even if she was missing that certain something that her heart sought from Hiccup. That something that kept her on her toes, that made her feel like a thousand volts whenever she was near him.

“No matter what you decide,” her mother said, “I’ll be there to support your decision.”

Astrid reached over the table and pulled her mother into a hug, whispering “thank you” into her ear and both of them knew that she meant it.

She closed her eyes and pictured her future. Her life, her image of herself, the people who were by her side, through thick and thin.

And she made a decision.

* * *

When Hiccup woke in the morning, the air around him tasted stale and heavy, like darkness before a murder. Something was sitting on his chest, something weighing him down. He blinked his eyes open and found only his blanket where he’d assumed a coffin stacked with the remnants of the Library of Alexandria.

He moved to stretch his arms and something clattered to the floor, something sounding suspiciously like the book he was supposed to start illustrating. Perhaps he should stop reading shortly before going to bed. But last night he’d found himself unable to fall asleep, thoughts of the next day plaguing his mind until early in the morning. Reading had been the only distraction that had worked.

Now that he remembered why he’d needed a distraction in the first place, the wolves in his mind started howling, clouds covering the moon, while his mood sunk deeper and deeper into the ocean, pulling him down into the abyss. He reached out to the sirens hunting above him, hoping they would dive down and add him to their meal, alongside the unlucky survivors of a fatal storm, wood and debris floating in tandem with the pale, blue bodies. Their eyes were black and dead, their mouths open in a never-ending silent scream.

But the sirens didn’t see him and he couldn’t make a sound, water filling his lungs, his ears, his heart, like the sad tune of a pirate folk song. Funeral chants had never spoken to him more. He watched the light at the surface disappear behind miles and miles of impending darkness.

His back landed softly on the bottom of the ocean, rousing millions of tiny glowing particles. They performed a dance with the waves in front of his eyes before coming together in the shape of mighty trees. Their gnarly limbs, rich with green and the sound of chirping, embraced him, shielded him from the black gravity holding him in its grasp.

He took a cautious breath and the trees fragmented to ash, glittering in the vast space around him. Inhaling thick dust, his entire body contracted, his left leg went numb. A piercing howl shot through his ears, reverberating in his skull. The wolves were back, fiery giants under the dead moon. One of them came closer. He tried to run but found that he couldn’t move. His left leg was gone. The wolf spread his jaws wide, revealing razor-sharp fangs that it sunk into his neck.

Hiccup flinched and opened his eyes. He was lying on the ground next to his bed, wrapped in his blanket. His left leg was asleep. Groaning, he freed his arms from his little cocoon and rubbed his face. No more reading before bed, for sure.

Craning his neck to check the time on his alarm clock, he slowly pushed himself off the ground, only to fall back on his bed when he saw it was almost twelve. Had he really slept so long after the first few minutes he’d been awake in the morning?

“Apparently,” he mumbled to himself and closed his eyes, willing the day to pass by just as fast as the morning. But it didn’t do him that favor, and what felt like an hour turned out to be barely five minutes.

He could check if his alarm clock was broken. Maybe it was so messed up it would take him all day. One look at the time on his phone and his hope dwindled. The clock was working just fine. It was him who wasn’t right.

Because today was the day.

His stomach cramped at the thought. But he couldn’t do anything, couldn’t start a new game, couldn’t program himself a mod, couldn’t take a rubber to erase the fact that today, the girl he lo– the girl he liked was getting married.

Following a grumbling stomach, he heaved himself out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen. He opened the fridge and peered inside for several minutes, lack of appetite making a decision impossible. Grabbing a slice of cheese, he returned to his bedroom and flopped back down. Chewing was arduous with his face buried in the pillow.

Not bothering to change out of his pajamas, he eventually managed to move to the living room, sitting down on the couch with a dramatic sigh. One of his butt cheeks landed on the corner of a book and he winced. He could read, flee into a different world. But when every other word got lost between his thoughts about Astrid, he flung the book to the other end of the couch and switched on the TV.

Every channel seemed to have it out for him. There was a show about a wedding planner, rom-coms about true love, even the news was covering some minor celebrity’s big day. Only the last channel he tried was a bit more up his alley right now; reality TV about people getting divorced, with a lot of drama and even more bad acting.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed his controller, changing the input source on the TV screen with the other hand. Shooting a bunch of mercenaries trying to get to the treasure before him, or playing a card game against a poor villager in danger who urgently wanted him to kill a monster would surely hold his attention for a while.

It didn’t.

After switching between ten different games for an hour, he gave up and leaned his head back. Dark clouds were covering the sky outside. It looked like it was going to pour soon. He didn’t care. If anything, it fit his mood perfectly.

Staring at the ceiling for a good twenty minutes, his legs fidgeting, he waited for the telltale sound of raindrops drumming against glass, but nothing happened.

There were a few spots on the ceiling. Tiny flies, tiny flies’ poop, other squashed insects, maybe splatter of some kind. When he squinted, the spots took the shape of her eyes when she laughed, until one of them moved and the image distorted.

His fingers tapped against the rayon surface of the couch. In his mind, she was sitting in a room with her mom and maid of honor, maybe a stylist, an aunt or more friends, and she was giddy. They were doing her hair and makeup and she had a blinding smile on her face, lighting up the whole room. Her deep blue eyes were bright, rivaling the sun that would surely show in her honor as soon as she started to walk down the aisle. She was happy, she was laughing, she was practicing her vows. This Astrid was beautiful, but she was moving further away from him than she had ever been.

His stomach hurt and every breath was hard, so many needles piercing their way through his heart and lungs and skin that he was certain he had to go to the doctor to have all these hedgehogs removed from his body. Would he have to go to a vet or a general practitioner? Were there specialists on animals living inside a person?

The theme from his favorite movie franchise tore him out of his thoughts. It came from his bedroom and he tried to remember where he had thrown his phone this time. He leapt at the chance of a distraction and sprinted into the other room, grabbing the source of the music and eagerly accepting the call. His secret hope that it was Astrid evaporated the second he heard his dad’s voice.

“Hello, son,” his deep voice came booming through the speaker. “I’m just calling to ask if my screwdriver set is still at yours.”

“Dad, hey!” Hiccup answered enthusiastically. “How– how are you? How’s it going? We never talk anymore. How’s… um, how– how’s work? How’s the wife?” He mentally facepalmed immediately after he said that. He could hear his mother laughing in the background.

“I’m fine, work is fine, your mother’s fine, too. You sound chipper.” Hiccup could see his dad’s frown through the phone, if that was possible.

“Am I not supposed to? I’m just very delighted to hear your voice!” Or any voice, for that matter. “Soo… What’cha doin’?”

“Um… Reading the newspaper. Mom’s making coffee.”

Hiccup was pacing through his apartment like a headless chicken, gesturing at everything and nothing. “Oh, coffee, yeah, that’s– that’s cool. I’m–” he looked at the general mess that was his living space, “I’m also thinking about making coffee.”

Stoick’s voice was dry. “Are you sure you need caffeine right now?”

“What, me? Why? I’m totally fine, I love coffee. I’m– I’m chill.” He hit his hand on a windowsill while talking.

There was an unconvinced silence in which Hiccup grimaced and rubbed his hurting hand on his pajama shirt.

Finally, Stoick coughed slightly. “Clearly. So… Screwdrivers?”

“Right!” Hiccup did a quick one-eighty in the middle of his kitchen and sprinted to the next moving crate, rummaging through it without really looking for anything. He knew the small box his dad was talking about was on the shelf over his coat rack. “I can’t seem to find it right now, dad, so sorry. But come on, tell me something, anything. Any…” he gulped, “any childhood stories I might like to hear again?”

“Bored much, son?” For the first time in this conversation, Hiccup could hear something like amusement in his dad’s voice.

“Who, me? Naah, I’ve got a ton of work, not bored at all.”

“Alright, then I won’t keep you from that any longer.”

“I actually meant–“

“Good talking to you.”

“No, wait, dad–” But it was too late. Stoick had already hung up. At once, the apartment was silent, in such a suffocating way that Hiccup opened all the windows and shivered as soon as the cold November air gusted inside.

His fingers dialed a number before he could think twice. His mom answered after the third ring.

“Hiccup?”

“Mom! So good to hear you! Tell me about– about your… your coffee. How’s dad?”

“Still fine, honey. Dad had you on speaker.”

Hiccup scratched his head. “Sure, yeah. Speaker.”

His mother chuckled softly. “Stop procrastinating and get to work, son. You can call again when you’re done, okay?”

With a deep sigh, Hiccup waited for her to end the call. Maybe he should just do his work.

He threw himself on the couch and hummed a few flat tunes, tapping his fingers in an uneven rhythm against his legs. If only it would start raining already. The sound had always been able to soothe him when nothing else could. And if it rained long enough, he could make some quip about the length of _November Rain_.

Eyeing the handful of boxes that still littered his apartment, he decided that actually having something to do might be good. With the motivation of someone who desperately needed to forget about his tragic love life, he emptied the boxes and sorted through everything. When the loneliness of his apartment kept breathing down his neck, he turned on his mini stereo and listened to _November Rain_ on repeat to compensate the lack of actual rain – fully aware that the song wouldn’t leave his head for at least a few days now. By the time he was done, he’d managed to make the place even messier than before, and on top of that his stomach was complaining uproariously about its empty existence.

Now that he didn’t have anything that occupied his thoughts anymore, Astrid settled back in, as if she’d never left. He was still hoping, like the loser he was, that she was suddenly standing in front of his door, telling him she blew off the wedding to come to him.

He felt like he was supposed to be with her, like the world wasn’t right if they weren’t together. But he couldn’t force his feelings onto her. And who was he, even? Some random dude she’d met at a party and crossed paths with twice after that? It wasn’t like she knew what she’d done to him, what she was still doing. And above all else, he doubted that he meant much to her, if anything at all. He was an acquaintance, at best.

His eyes fell on his disorganized pile of video games. If only there was a guide somewhere on what he had to do and which decisions would influence which outcome, like a video game with 36 different possible endings. He’d seen it happen. Just not for a game that wasn’t finished yet and that wasn’t even a game to begin with. Maybe he could create one, one in which the main character got the girl of his dreams, like star-crossed lovers with a happy ending.

When the doorbell rang, his heart started hammering against his ribcage and his breath caught in his lungs, frozen in place, like a strange scarecrow in the middle of his living room. A few eternal seconds later, he remembered the pizza he had ordered and went to open the door, heart still beating madly, but in a rhythm that spoke of tragedy.

Hiccup opened the door and his eyes went wide when they settled on blonde hair.

“Pizza?”

Her hair only went down to her shoulders, split ends dyed pink. Her eyes were brown and she had a nose ring.

Unable to speak, he nodded and paid the bored-looking teenager. He could spot the purple bubblegum between her teeth.

He’d already known it couldn’t have been her, but a lump still formed in his throat. It stayed there when he poured himself a glass of water, after he drained it, when he sat down with his pizza. It was still there when he finished his food.

The apartment was silent, apart from the ticking of his clock on the kitchen wall. It was driving him insane, and the doorbell didn’t ring again.

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. Throwing the empty pizza carton to the side, not caring if any of the grease leaked out, he grabbed his jacket and keys. He was already half out in the hallway when he looked at his dragon-patterned slippers and pajama-clad limbs.

Putting on the next best jeans and sweater, he fumbled with his mismatched socks and took the time to roughly clean his shoes with a wet wipe before he gave up. The state of his shoes wouldn’t matter much now anyway. He brushed his teeth in record speed and didn’t bother with his hair; brushing was of no use since the wind would mess it up again the second it was exposed to the weather.

Hiccup barely remembered to turn off the lights before the door fell closed behind him when he left to the venue, a storm brewing in the distance.

* * *

_If we could take the time_ _  
To lay it on the line  
I could rest my head  
Just knowin' that you were mine  
All mine  
So if you want to love me  
Then darlin' don't refrain  
Or I'll just end up walkin'  
In the cold November rain._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even remember how I thought of November Rain (might have been because of a John Mulaney line – "Hey, November Rain's over! ... No, it's not!"). But then I looked at the lyrics more closely and thought, damn it fits (mostly, but that what fits does so perfectly), how lucky is that?! :D
> 
> Tbh, at this point, I hope I'm still putting out quality work. I feel like I could do much better, but that might just be the writer's perception speaking. I read and think of this stuff so much, I don't know what's actually good anymore.
> 
> Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter a lot. I've had the ending scene in my head for so long, can't wait to write it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do I do when I'm supposed to study for important exams? Write something about twice as long as the other chapters of the fic! Naturally.

Destiny and fate were interesting concepts. The idea that there was one sole purpose to one’s life, one goal that would guide the way to fulfillment – it didn’t make sense to Astrid. She didn’t believe that there was only one main road in life, one that lead her to whatever fate awaited her. She understood the thought behind the sentiment, about how whatever struggle one had to overcome, their choice would be the one they were destined to make. The right choice, after all.

But making choices was what determined the road. Life was a labyrinth to her, one with innumerable turns and crossroads and junctions, and every single one opened up to new paths to take. People could tell her all they wanted about how the roads she decided to take were the ones destined for her in the end – she would keep rolling her eyes at them and live her life by the standard that she was free to create her own paths and laugh in the face of _destiny_.

Facing her choice between marrying Eret and going for Hiccup proved her take on fate again. She could either decide to go one way or the other, both paths resulting in different, lifechanging avenues anew.

Blinking the little sleep out of her eyes that she got last night, she thought of the dress hanging in her wardrobe, in-between everyday clothes like a swan in a pig stall. She rolled around in her large bed, so empty without Eret next to her.

She could still change her mind. Take the other road. Plunge into the unknown. But then her phone rang, the loud tune pulling her the rest of the way from her slumber, and she reached for it with a sigh. She stared at the name showing up on her screen until her phone went quiet and notified her that she had one missed call.

Throwing it away to the foot of the bed, she grumbled and pulled the covers over her head. Three and a half hours were way too short to be rested. Not a minute later, her phone started ringing again, muffled by the blanket it had landed on. Astrid rubbed her forehead and stretched her arms, closing her eyes for one last moment. She couldn’t prolong this forever.

* * *

After leaving his house in a hurry that afternoon, Hiccup jogged around the building to where he had parked his car. He fumbled with the keys, shivering from the wind and the increasing amount of cold rain drops landing on his neck and rolling down his back.

He ducked into his car and dropped the keys only twice before he started the engine. It stuttered, spluttered and lurked a few times in tune with his stomach.

“Come ooon,” he pleaded, “don’t leave me hanging, don’t–“ His eyes fell on the fuel gage and with an exasperated groan he let his head fall on the steering wheel, jumping when his forehead honked the horn. For a minute, he sat there staring at the rain now pelting against the windshield, entertaining the thought of rotting away in his useless car for eternity.

A bright flash in the sky and the faraway sound of thunder shook him from his reverie and he felt determination flood back into his system. Grabbing his keys and pulling the zipper of his jacket up to his face, he got out of the car and had half a mind to lock it behind him before sprinting off to the next bus station.

Out of breath and cursing the puddles on the street that had soaked his feet through his shoes, he reached the stop, dashing under the small roof. In the company of a woman playing on her phone and a moody-looking teenager listening to loud music, he tapped his feet impatiently. According to the schedule plastered to the wall behind him, the next bus downtown should have arrived one minute ago.

Hiccup couldn’t stand still, pacing back and forth in the crammed space, earning judging looks from the teen. Wringing his hands, he stuck his head out every other second to see if the bus was somewhere to be seen. Five minutes passed, eight minutes, ten, twelve. Still no bus.

Swearing colorfully under his breath, he kicked at a pebble that had the misfortune of lying there on the ground. He could feel every second fly by, forever lost to him. Chancing another peek down the street, his heart leaped into his throat when a vehicle came around the corner.

* * *

The deep gray blanket of clouds parted on their way to the hair salon, one lone ray of sunshine breaking through. Ruffnut cursed and blindly reached to the backseat, producing a pair of sunglasses from the mess that was piling up everywhere in her car.

The beam fell on Astrid’s face. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the way it warmed her skin for too short a while until it disappeared behind the clouds again. The dark sky did nothing to soothe her nerves. Every forecast she’d repeatedly checked over the last week had predicted sunshine and warmth, only for the weather to pull a one-eighty on her now. She didn’t like the taste of rain in the air, feared that the wind would mess up her hair later the moment she stepped outside.

She sent a silent thanks to her friend when she parked right in front of the building. Should it start raining while they were inside, they’d need only seconds to reach the safety of the car.

The sound of scissors and hairdryers and the smell of various hair products greeted her when they entered the hair salon. Most of the chairs were occupied with women with tinfoil in their hair, reading a magazine while they waited for the color to seep in. A handful of stylists were working their magic with several other people, washing and cutting and chatting away.

“Good morning, can I help you?” A young woman with long hair somewhere between dark blonde and light brown appeared from a side room.

Astrid opened her mouth but Ruff beat her to it. “Astrid here needs to get laid tonight, so please make her hair look dazzling.”

Recognition flashed on the young woman’s face and with a smile that meant she’d met Ruffnut before, she waved Astrid over to a comfy looking chair in front of a big mirror. In it, Astrid watched Ruff wave at her before she left the salon, off to pick up the veil from the cleaner.

“I’m sorry for my friend,” she said when she set down. “She doesn’t know how to be normal.”

“Don’t worry, I met her before. She came here last week to ask who’d be doing your hair and tried to talk me into dying it pink. I figured you’re not a fan of pink.”

“Not at all.” Astrid shook her head. She wasn’t surprised. In fact, she’d wondered why Ruff had been so anti-chaotic during the whole ordeal so far. Maid of honor or not, she was still Ruffnut Thorston, and this little pranking attempt of hers gave Astrid some sense of normalcy, for which she was immensely grateful. She was anxious and stressed enough, and even though walking out of here with pink hair – if Ruff’s prank had worked – had ended in murder, it helped her breathe away some of the stress.

“Now, Miss Hofferson–“

“Call me Astrid.”

“How do you want your hair today, Astrid? I’m Marie, by the way.”

Astrid looked at herself in the mirror for a moment. “Honestly? I usually have it in a braid or ponytail because it’s practical. I don’t care much about hairstyles.”

Marie wiggled her fingers with a grin, obviously excited. “Alright darling, I got you covered. Let’s do this!”

* * *

It wasn’t the bus.

Hiccup’s shoulders sagged, only to go rigid again when it dawned on him that the bus wasn’t coming. He turned to the schedule again and let his finger run down the plastic cover, stopping under the information for when the next bus was supposed to arrive. It was more than an hour until then.

Cursing himself for moving to the outskirts of the city and even more for not filling up his gas tank sooner, he stepped back into the rain and walked down the street in quick steps. Fumbling out his phone with cold fingers, he typed in his destination and let the app calculate the time needed to walk there.

When he came to a crosswalk and looked up to check if he was good to go, he saw a long vehicle stop at the bus station. Oh great, it seemed like the universe had it out for him. He uttered a long sigh, fully aware that it was too late for screaming and waving at the bus driver while running back like an idiot.

The app had finished loading the calculation and the time display on the screen sent another wave of anxiety through him. Even if he ran, he wouldn’t make it on time. If only he had a car…

In a moment of clarity, he raised his hand and smacked his face. Why hadn’t he thought of this before?! While looking up the number of Berk’s cab company, he reached for his wallet with the other, only to come up empty.

“Figures,” he groaned and turned on the spot to run back home.

* * *

“And I was like, can someone please tell me why men are all imbecile spawns of hell?! No offense, honey, I know you’re getting married today, but boy, they can suck my non-existent dick.”

Marie had been working Astrid’s hair for nearly two hours now, first washing it and then trying a bunch of different hairstyles until they found one that they were both happy with. Ruff hadn’t yet shown up again and Astrid was wondering what was taking so long at the cleaner. She hoped her maid of honor hadn’t decided to rent a boar on the way to make the ceremony _interesting_.

“It’s okay,” Astrid assured Marie, “I know what you mean, believe me. Before I met Eret, I was in a situation similar to yours. I had already settled for staying single forever because I thought being in a relationship meant losing my independence. But there are good ones out there.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Marie reached for a tube of haircare oil that smelled of coconut and summer when she combed it into Astrid’s hair. “But right now, I don’t care about any of them. Maybe one day, I’ll bump into a Shawn Mendes kind of guy and he’ll be nice and perfect and not like Kevin at all.”

Astrid smiled at her through the mirror. “Personally, I wouldn’t go for Shawn Mendes. But regardless of that, you should know that you don’t just bump into the perfect guy and everything immediately works out just the way you want it to. Relationships need work and the myth of the one perfect person for you is just that – a myth.”

Marie smirked. “I sense a story coming. Dish, girl, dish.”

“There’s nothing to dish. I just realized lately that when you think you found the one you want to spend your life with, someone else can sweep right in and show you the truth.” Astrid didn’t know why she was telling her this. She didn’t even know this girl. But maybe that was the reason; she could just talk this off her soul and remind herself that she was doing the right thing.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened. I decided to not throw this relationship away because of these uncertain feelings I have for someone else. Because if I dump Eret now and try things with the other guy and that doesn’t work out, I’ll just regret it because I threw away a life of happiness and comfort.”

Marie was quiet for a minute, running her fingers through the strands of Astrid’s hair one last time to make sure every hair was where it was supposed to be. The bell over the front door jingled and through the mirror, Astrid saw Ruffnut walk in, holding up a clear bag with the veil.

“Well,” Marie mused and put her hands on Astrid’s shoulders, “I hope that everything works out for you.” She gave the chair a twirl. “Go get him, girl!”

* * *

Ignoring the mess he’d made while searching for his wallet, Hiccup called himself a cab while he ran back outside and didn’t stop walking. If he already started heading in the right direction, it shortened the route the cab would have to take, right?

The guy on the other end of the phone informed him that it would be a few minutes until a cab was available in his area. Hiccup didn’t care anymore, his stress level already through the roof and unable to rise higher – or so he’d thought.

As it turned out, the way he had to go wasn’t necessarily the way the cab was coming from. One mile later, his phone rang and a bored-sounding cab driver asked Hiccup if he still required his services or if he got the address wrong.

Apologizing for the misunderstanding, Hiccup told the driver where he was. He didn’t dare to walk away from his spot this time. But standing still was even worse than realizing he was at the wrong place. He kept looking at his phone without really seeing anything but the time, almost dropped it a few times and then once for real, paced around a lone trashcan, his head swiveling up and down the street in search of the cab. He messed up his hair – see, good thing he didn’t put any energy into combing it – and was soaked by the time the car pulled up at the sidewalk. The driver only raised his eyebrows at Hiccup’s state, and had this been a less stressful situation, he would have apologized for getting the seat wet.

He told the driver the address and promised to pay double if he made it quick. The man only shrugged and floored it while Hiccup grabbed the handle on the door and glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time. Although he was finally moving faster towards his destination, he now really started to panic.

* * *

As soon as Astrid and Ruffnut left the hair salon and made it back to the car without a strong gust of wind ruining all of Marie’s hard work, Astrid wanted to go back inside. The atmosphere in the salon had been weirdly peaceful and calm, and as long as Marie hadn’t been done with her hair, Astrid had had an excuse for not being somewhere else right now, for not moving forward with the day, for not facing the source of her nervousness.

Not much later, she was having breakfast at her parents’ house. Her father was quietly reading the newspaper, occasionally sipping from his giant mug of coffee. Her mother was listing all the things that still needed to be done and arguing with Ruffnut who was lounging in her chair, smearing chocolate spread all over her shirt.

When Wilma glanced at her watch, her eyes widened and she stopped trying to get Ruff to rub the chocolate off her shirt with a washcloth. Standing up, she started to simultaneously clean the table and collect several makeup utensils from all over the house. All the while, she was ranting about wasting time, Ruff doing a bad job by not dragging Astrid out of bed earlier, about the weather, and at some point, while she was disappearing upstairs, Astrid was sure she heard her blaming politics.

Her dad looked up from his newspaper shortly to roll his eyes with Astrid. When Wilma came back downstairs, Ruff planted herself in the doorway.

“You!” She poked her finger in Astrid’s mother’s chest. “Give me that.” She snatched the utensils from her hand. “Now go and scream into a pillow or something. I got this.”

Wilma put her hands on her hips and looked like she was about to dive into a lecture that started with _young lady_, but Astrid’s dad interrupted her.

“Let’s all just keep calm, okay? We still have a lot of time on our hands. Why don’t we just have breakfast without ripping each other’s heads off, and then we worry about what comes next.”

Wilma wasn’t having any of it. “A lot of time? Have you looked at the clock recently, Frederick?”

While her parents continued bickering, Astrid gave up resisting the fuss made around her and let Ruff apply her makeup in-between bites of bread rolls and scrambled eggs. She had just closed her eyes so that Ruff could give her a touch of eyeshadow to cover any evidence of lack of sleep, when she heard the front door open.

“Hello, everyone!”

“See?!” Wilma snapped at her husband. “He’s ready!”

“Not at all,” Eret answered and Astrid couldn’t contain a smug smile. “I just came here to give you,” he put a hand on Astrid’s shoulder, “an update. I just met your aunt Ruth and she told me she brought three of her lady friends along.”

“What?! She can’t just do that. Do we even have enough room for more people? And why would–“

“_Wilma!_” Frederick interrupted her.

Eret continued as if her mother wasn’t in the room. “She said something about them all being lonely and needing some company tonight, I don’t know. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Thanks,” Astrid mumbled. Eret might have sounded completely calm to everyone else, but there was a tension at the edge of his voice that was obvious to her. It kind of grounded her, knowing that she wasn’t the only one feeling this way, and that her nervousness didn’t stem from her being uncertain about what she was doing. (Which she wasn’t, because she had made her decision and was sure about it, alright?)

“I told Dagur to rearrange the seating a bit, I’m sure he’ll figure it out.” His hand left her shoulder and she heard him turn around before he added, “Oh, by the way, Dagur’s sister isn’t coming, he said she’s on vacation with her new boyfriend. Which means that Dagur’s without a date tonight, so I can finally hook him up with Theresa!”

She smiled at his jaunty enthusiasm. Ruffnut was still not done with the eyeshadow – Astrid was only slightly concerned about that – so she blindly reached her hand over her head for Eret. He squeezed it once and she felt him coming closer to her face, but Wilma chose that moment to barge back into the conversation.

“Don’t you dare! No kisses! Traditionally, you’re not even supposed to be here. So get out and get yourself ready! Then at least one of you is.”

Eret laughed quietly but she could feel her mother’s deadly stare even through closed eyes. Astrid had to have inherited it from somewhere which meant Eret knew the extent of the Hofferson Death Glare. He said goodbye and the front door fell shut behind him.

Astrid’s heart was beating uncomfortably in her chest and her head felt dizzy. Taking a deep breath and refraining from biting her lip lest Ruff yelled at her for ruining the lipstick, she willed herself to calm down. That stone in her gut meant that she was generally nervous, nothing more.

Only when she dropped a glass of orange juice a while later did she pause to think for a second, but that turned out to be a mistake. Thinking made her go down the route of impactful decisions again and it had a tiny voice in her mind ask her if maybe signs of the universe were real after all.

* * *

They were moving excruciatingly slowly. Every time a car or even a bicycle passed the cab on another lane, it made Hiccup’s knee twitch. The driver looked at him in the rearview mirror oddly from time to time and seemed to have forgotten about the extra money Hiccup had promised to pay him _if only he stepped on it_.

When the car came to a full stop on the road, Hiccup threw his hands up in frustration. “Seriously?!”

“Traffic, man,” the driver said lackadaisically, leaning back in his seat and drumming his fingers on the stick shift in a bored manner.

Hiccup wiped a hand over his face and pulled his phone from his pocket. It was clammy from his soaked jeans. The app told him that it would take him sixteen minutes to reach his destination if he walked. Less, if he ran.

Crawling halfway over the center console, he peeked out the windshield to gauge how long the traffic jam would go on, ignoring the sideways glance of the driver. Upon seeing only very little movement far ahead, he gave the man a few bills and climbed back to his seat to get out.

“Hey,” the driver called after him, “that’s not double!”

Hiccup stuck his head in again to call back, “And I’m not there on time,” before he slammed the door and navigated his way through stuck cars until he reached the sidewalk. Orienting himself once more, he figured out the fastest way to the venue and started to run.

His days on the couch, the lack of healthy food and his relationship with exercise in general quickly came to bite him in the ass as he had to stop one street over to catch his breath. As winded as he was and as much as he’d love a raincoat right now, the thought of Astrid lent him a new wave of energy.

Ten minutes later, the place came into view, one final sprint away. He just had to pull himself together one last time.

* * *

Putting on the dress was a feat on its own. She couldn’t pull it on over her head because it would ruin her hair so she had to step into it and have Ruff close it on her back. The zipper was thin and the fabric sat tight on her so, naturally, her skin got stuck in it several times before her mother took over. She sent Ruff away to do her job and make sure everything at the venue was ready and going smoothly.

“We’re going to arrive to either a perfect arrangement or a crime scene,” Wilma mumbled when Ruff was gone.

“Don’t forget the fire, the explosions and the wild horde of boars,” Astrid added. “And her brother.”

Now that they were alone, her mother seemed to calm down considerably. All that was left for them to do was to drive to the wedding. Astrid wondered if it was her who was shaking or if it were her mother’s hands that delicately stroked over her back where hopefully no trace of the zipper was visible.

“This is really happening, hm.” Her mother’s voice was no further above a whisper, more than twenty years’ worth of nostalgia sewn into it. “You’re finally leaving the nest.”

“I’ve left the nest years ago, mom.”

“But you were still a Hofferson until now.”

“I’m keeping my name. I’ll stay a Hofferson.” When the issue of last names had come up, Eret had suggested she take his. But the Hofferson inside her had screamed in protest, unwilling to give up her family name and the notion of independence by making herself all his. She knew that he’d never think of her as his property, but it still didn’t sit right with her to change her name. So she didn’t.

Wilma came around to stand in front of her and Astrid was surprised at the strange sight of tears welling up in her mother’s eyes. She figured it made sense for her to get emotional on a day like this, but she’d never seen her cry before.

“You know that you’ll always be my little girl, right?”

“I know, mom. Come here.” She pulled her mother into a hug and the two of them stood like that for a long while. Astrid felt like a little girl seeking out the safety of her mother’s arms. Right here, right now, she didn’t have to worry about decisions and destiny and consequences and whether she was making the right choices for herself.

She felt the arms around her squeeze one more time, then her mom straightened up, took a step back and gave her daughter a firm nod that conveyed more than Astrid could ever put into words.

“Are you ready to do this?” Wilma asked, voice both breathless and strong.

Astrid knew what it meant; she could see it in her mother’s eyes. She took a deep breath. “Yes.”

Her father was already waiting outside. Her mother fastened the veil in her hair and gave her the bouquet before she opened the door for her and lead her to the car.

When they neared the venue – which was a generic party hall rather than a beautiful old mansion, but it would do – there was no fire to be seen, no wild animals disturbing the scene, no Thorston twins’ shenanigans. Ruffnut was, for once, trying to contain the chaos instead of causing it, which Astrid had to give her a lot of credit for.

Her dad parked the car and opened her door. With a steely resolve, she climbed out of the vehicle and held her head up high. Nobody had to know that mere days ago, she had still been contemplating running away and leaving the man waiting for her inside, friends and family by his side.

She noticed the storm clouds in the distance, hanging lower than the blanket of ashy gray that had accompanied her on her way to the hair salon that morning. Her chat with Marie seemed like it had been years ago. Astrid squinted her eyes and watched closely as the clouds moved forward, passing a row of houses. They were coming fast. She hoped they wouldn’t ruin the photos her parents wanted to take with her before the ceremony and all the ones she had to take afterwards.

The photographer was already waiting for them, leading them to a set of trees decorated with white and rose gold ribbons and flowers, and the letters A and E made of wood hanging from a branch. It wasn’t the most elegant decoration, but it was more than Astrid had expected her maid of honor to organize. In all honesty, she kept waiting for sex toys to fall out of the trees or a banner that said all kinds of dirty things.

But the photos turned out great and the storm kept a distance during all of it. It was time to head inside and face the road she had decided to take. On her way to the building, she was still chancing glances upwards, waiting for a pigeon to fly by and drop a present on her head. But there was no bird shit and signs from the universe weren’t real.

The music started when she stepped over the threshold, walking arm in arm with her parents. The guests all stood, _oh_s and _ah_s sounding from every corner as she walked down the aisle. Eret’s eyes flitted over her appearance and fixated on her face, smile as soft and proud as his gaze.

She gulped, taking her place next to him and giving a tiny wave to her parents when they left her to take their seats. The officiator started talking but she barely listened. For some reason, her eyes kept wandering over the rows of guests, searching for an anker she knew wasn’t there. Finally, she looked back at Eret, and the ceremony went on.

* * *

Something was strange about this place. Hiccup couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was there. It was hard to concentrate on anything while his brain and body were begging for oxygen, his muscles were jittery and exhausted and all he wanted to do was lie down on the pavement and sleep for days.

But he didn’t have that luxury. All he could think of was arriving to the wedding on time, before she could say _I do_ without him telling her how he felt. Maybe it would make a difference, maybe it wouldn’t. But he’d rather do it while there was still a chance of it making one, despite it being a naïve hope.

Bending over and wheezing for air, he collected his senses. _Just do it_, the Shia Labeouf in his mind shouted at him. A determined jolt went through his limbs and he straightened up, jogging down the driveway of the centuries-old mansion towering in front of him.

His hand was shaking as he lifted it to the doorknob. Ignoring the strange tug at the back of his subconsciousness still trying to tell him something, he opened the door.

* * *

The officiator, an old school friend of her dad’s, held a long speech about true love. She could tell that Eret found it a bit cheesy, judging from the looks he threw her every now and then, but that, ultimately, he saw himself in the man’s words.

Astrid caught comparatively little of the speech. She heard sentiments about solidarity, trust and togetherness here and there, but her mind was elsewhere. She was assessing her feelings, trying to make sense of the whirlwind of emotions kicking and jumping through her heart. There was nervousness, naturally, whereas she couldn’t care about the attention of the crowd any less. Then there was a mixture of giddiness, bubbling about in her chest, and a touch of fear as she was boarding a ship that would set sail as soon as she said the words. She could then only stay on that ship forever or jump into the cold, relentless ocean to escape.

Behind her eyes, the tiredness was beginning to press against her skull. She’d gone to bed so early last night, but when she’d been lying there alone in the silent darkness, she’d become a victim to her own doubts. For fear of dreaming of Hiccup and the porch again, just when she’d closed the gate to that road, she’d tossed and turned in her sheets for hours until exhaustion finally won over.

In the morning, she’d known that she had dreamed about something, although she couldn’t remember what it had been. All that remained was a faint feeling of easiness, lingering like a warm glow coating her heart. She couldn’t help but think about the possible what-ifs again. What if she said no? What if she had told Eret weeks or even months ago that she didn’t feel ready for this yet? What if she had never agreed to come with him to Dagur’s party?

Rain was rapping against the windows now and from where she stood, she could see the branches of the trees bowing to the wind. Someone switched on a second row of lights.

“And now the rings,” the officiator’s voice cut through her thoughts. Eret’s cousin, a small boy in dress pants and suspenders, jumped up from his seat at his cue and carefully carried over a tiny white pillow with the rings on it.

Astrid took a shaky breath. The officiator spoke again, leading up to the traditional questions.

In that moment, her attention was diverted when the door to the room opened. Her heartbeat stilled for a second when she saw a tall figure enter. She didn’t know why she was simultaneously disappointed and relieved when she recognized her cousin Beth’s husband.

“Do you,” the officiator started, calling Astrid back to the situation. Hearing Eret say _I do_ suddenly pulled her down to earth and planted her feet on the solid ground, and the door stayed closed.

“And do you, Astrid Hofferson, take this man as your husband?” When she opened her mouth, she couldn’t imagine a different answer. She’d built this relationship with Eret and got her life together with him. She didn’t want to throw away all they had grown to be and what she’d come to call her life, where she felt safe and secure and loved and where she was happy, happy with the way things were.

“I do.” The roaring applause of the guests turned to white noise as Eret pulled her to him. She grinned into the kiss, feeling the waves lap against the ship’s hold as it left the harbor and the space between her and the dock became too large to jump.

This was what she’d wanted for longer than what she refused to think about anymore. Ignoring the still lingering notion of _what if_, she wouldn’t allow herself to think about another man while she was now married. However, although she knew she’d made the right decision, that didn’t mean that the entire Hiccup-conflict was immediately resolved. But it would soon be, because she couldn’t do this anymore now, and she wouldn’t. That brief chapter of her life had to come to a close.

She didn’t have time to further think about it, shaking hands and sharing hugs with every guest in the room. Photos had to be taken inside, and when it was time for the soup to be served, her face hurt from smiling.

When the rest of the dessert was being carried away by the catering staff, the band asked everyone to join the newlyweds on the dancefloor. Astrid had to take off the veil since it reached all the way down her back and wouldn’t survive the night if she kept it on. Then she danced with Eret, with her parents, with Eret again, with his grandparents, with Ruffnut and Dagur and even with Beth’s husband who told her about his weak bladder and apologized for taking a bathroom break in the middle of the ceremony. It was an incident Astrid didn’t want to be reminded about, for a reason different to what he might be thinking.

After a while, the party became a blur, people mingling everywhere and with everyone, drinking and laughing and dancing. Astrid was listening to her neighbor Larry telling her great-uncle Greg some story about a man that had once lived across from him and who he swore had been an undercover cop, when her mother tapped her on the shoulder. Astrid leaned in closer so she could hear her better over the music and the ruckus of conversation and frolicking party guests.

“There’s a young man outside asking for you.” Astrid frowned, in her mind going through all the people who would want to talk to her who weren’t already here. Her mother gave her a meaningful look and Astrid could tell she had a suspicion who it might be. She felt her heart rate go up at the implication.

Biting the inside of her cheek, she turned around to head outside.

“Astrid,” her mom called after her and met her eyes with a serious expression. “You made your decision. Don’t throw that away now.” Earning strange looks from Greg and Larry, she held eye contact with her daughter until Astrid walked away.

The rain had let up, quietly drumming on the canopy over the patio in an even rhythm. She heard thunder roll in the distance and inhaled the fresh air. Her mother’s words echoed in her mind but she was sure she didn’t want to change anything about her decision – only for that foundation to tumble the moment she saw him.

Her heart quivered in her chest. The sight of him leaning against a wooden beam, soaked in rain and rumpled from the wind, knocked her next breath right out of her so unexpectedly that she lost her voice for a second.

He noticed her and turned around, those green eyes shining like emerald beacons in the night when he set his sight on her. “Wow, you look…” He gestured at her dress with the little splotch of sauce on it, at her hair that was flowing down her back in waves, with small flowers woven into it.

His gaze set her cheeks on fire and she averted her face, biting her lip to keep it from breaking into a wide grin. “Thanks.” She glanced back at him and let the smile loose, anyway, twisting it into a smirk. “Not bad yourself.”

Hiccup looked down at himself, a bit of water running out of his hair and down his face at the motion. “Fancy, huh? I made an effort to get the November rain look right.”

“You know, I think that outfit goes with an umbrella.”

“One might think that,” he said in such a dry tone that it made Astrid snicker.

His face lit up at the sound and she could see the small gap between his front teeth when he cracked that lopsided smile she found so adorable.

She cleared her throat, snapping out of the bubble they were creating. “So… What are you doing here?”

He sobered up at her question as well, raising a hand to rub his neck. “Well, I…” He seemed to be struggling with his words, every line of his face immerged in countless everchanging emotions. “I wanted to come by and, um… And tell you…” After a beat of silence, he ran a hand over his face and gesticulated with the other. “I was at the other place first, but no one was there except some plumber guys.”

Astrid grimaced apologetically.

“I think they were as confused about me as I was by them, so we just stood there gaping at each other for a minute until one of the guys asked me what I was doing there. They told me about the water damage but didn’t know where you were now.”

“Sorry, we told the guests but didn’t send out new invitations. Where did you get the address anyway?”

A light blush covered his cheeks. “Saw Heather’s invitation. Anyway, so I looked up where events were held today, used a few of my dad’s contacts; most of them probably think now I’m some kind of stalker. I got it down to a few possible places and checked them all. Crashed a wedding, a bingo tournament and a funeral. Apparently, I look like the dead guy when he was young, because his widow fainted when she saw me. I think I yelled something about waiting for her in the afterlife and disappeared as fast as possible.”

Astrid burst out laughing, picturing him awkwardly talking his way through the situation, moving his hands and shoulders with every breath, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights.

“Yeah, so then I checked here and asked that woman out here if I was at the right place.”

“That was my mom, by the way.”

Recognition flashed over his face. “Makes sense. You have the same nose.” He blushed. “Sorry, that probably came out weird.”

Trying to figure out if he was serious, she pondered inviting him in. She was conflicted, because she really shouldn’t.

An idea popped up in her head. It was crazy, absolutely insane and, above all, very stupid. What if, she thought, what if she just threw everything to the wind and ran away with him, right now? Looking into his eyes, out here alone on the patio, it seemed possible.

But then reality came back to her in the shape of the ring pressing against the skin on her finger. It was like a punch to the gut; it doused her heart in gasoline and threw a whole pack of matches on top. Rushing for the fire extinguisher, she decided she wanted him around as a friend, if not to prove to herself that she’d made the right decision.

“Hey,” she said, “do you want to come inside? I’m hereby officially inviting you so don’t listen to Dagur, he can’t throw you out. I’m the bride, I have the last say.”

Hiccup’s eyebrows scrunched together and her smile faded. “No, I better leave.” He took a step closer.

“Why? Because of Dagur? Don’t worry, I can reign him in.”

He shook his head. “No. I mean, yes, but no, that– that’s not what I mean.”

“Then why not?” She mirrored his movement, ever drawn to him like a magnet. He took another step towards her, deep green irises glinting in the light of the patio. She could see the long scar on his chin, could count the freckles on his skin, wanted to feel the stubble on his jaw. Her fingers prickled under the phantom sensation conveyed by her imagination.

He slowly raised his hand to put a strand of hair behind her ear, stroked lightly over her cheek, leaving trails of tingling fires. Thunder grumbled directly above them and the clouds burst, releasing an ocean upon the earth. He leaned in until she could make out every shade of green in his eyes. His lips touched the corner of her mouth and her brain shut down.

It took her a few seconds to realize he wasn’t standing directly in front of her anymore. Her hand automatically went to the spot where he’d just kissed her. It tingled and crackled like it was loaded with sparks and she didn’t know how to speak.

“Goodbye Astrid,” he whispered, voice cracking, when he sent one last sad smile her way before turning around and walking away.

The sight of his retreating figure knocked her brain out of its stupor. “Wait,” she called out, running after him into the rain. “I’ll see you around, right?”

He looked back at her with eyes so full of pain it broke her heart. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” With that, he left, hands buried in his pockets, head hanging low on his shoulders. There was one more sound of thunder in the nearer distance, but Hiccup took it away with him.

She stood there for a long while, hair and shoulders gradually soaking through, and stared after him until he had long disappeared from her sight. She knew he would always be her biggest what-if.

With the last drops of rain running down her face, she went back inside to her wedding.

* * *

_\- End of Part 1 -_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...  
hehe.  



	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm still alive. I had to take a break from this story for a while, because I just didn't have much motivation. But now I'm back and I'm looking forward to the rest!  
At first, I wanted to split the story into two instalments. But in the end, I decided to just keep the story in one place and name it Part 1 and 2. (A different version of the first half of this chapter was originally supposed to be the epilogue of instalment one and the second half the first chapter of the next, but this way it's easier.)  
ANYWAY. Here you go.

Her parents weren’t home when Astrid arrived. Letting herself in through the backdoor, she scanned the place, grabbed a handful of chocolate chips from the living room table and trudged up the stairs to her old bedroom that now served as a guest room.

The sheets were clean and not a single wrinkle dared to disturb the still sea of cream-colored linen. She felt like she just walked into one of the catalogues her mother had stacked in the giant, neat bookshelf downstairs. The only thing missing was the overly enthusiastic model having the time of her life feeling the fabric, and the book and glass of water decorating the nightstand to give a domestic impression. Looking around, Astrid found only the fine layer of dust on all surfaces betraying the perfect picture.

She dropped her duffle bag onto the tidy floor and let herself flop onto the mattress. Taking a deep breath, she could smell the detergent; the same one her mother had been using for as long as she remembered. Suddenly, she felt fifteen again, but in a room where no sports clothes and equipment littered the floor, the desk wasn’t covered in books and school supplies, and the walls weren’t decorated with pictures of friends and family and her rigorous, color-coded life plan.

Most of the photos now hung in her own living room, in-between several new ones, her wedding picture framed in the middle. The giant poster of her life plan was collecting dust amidst old furniture and boxes stuffed with her old toys in the basement two stories below. It wasn’t like that thing had worked out, anyway. Be the manager of an elite swim team at thirty? She still had a few years to go, but considering how she’d been training the same team of kids for a while now, that goal didn’t seem very realistic.

Not that that wasn’t the only part of the plan, which she’d designed way back in middle school, that hadn’t gone as she’d once been sure it would. The plan had considered boyfriends during her years of building her career, but no marriage and kids until she had the position she wanted. When Eret had proposed to her years before she’d even come close to that goal, and she’d said yes, she’d practically blown the whole plan to bits. And with everything else unexpected that had happened to her around the same time, she’d realized she couldn’t meticulously plan her whole life.

She pushed memories of that brief period away by jumping up and connecting her phone to her old stereo. To loud music, she danced through her room with a rag and a bottle of cleanser, singing and polishing every surface and every corner to the beat.

When she was done, she moved the party downstairs and set the table for dinner. In the past year and a half of being a wife, she’d jokingly donned an apron once a week and put her hair in an old-fashioned bun, waving a spatula around and putting on the act of a housewife from the fifties, much to her husband’s amusement. But both of them knew she only did this so she could practice her cooking skills, because she was too proud to admit that she didn’t have any.

Which was why there were pots of gratinated cauliflower, potatoes, and corned beef on the table when first her mother’s, then her father’s car appeared in the driveway. The meat had ended up too dry, but that’s why she’d prepared enough sauce in wise foresight. All in all, she was very proud of her achievement.

Her parents did a double-take when they came in and followed the clang of dishes into the kitchen where their daughter was washing pots and pans, surrounded by an utter chaos of cooking ingredients and supplies.

“Surprise,” Astrid grinned at their baffled reactions.

“I knew that was your car outside. What are you doing here?” her father asked. “Not that we’re not happy to see you, but you haven’t been to Berk in months.”

Her mother hung her jacket in the hallway and put her keys in the key holder under the cupboard with the spices, taking in the sight before her. “Did you cook?!”

“You don’t have to act so incredulous.” Upon both her parents’ raised eyebrows, she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I made dinner and it’s not poisoned. Now would you please eat it before it gets cold?”

Drying her hands on her apron, she took it off and joined her curious parents at the table, ignoring their slightly doubtful expressions when they eyed the food.

She took a bite of potato and reached the same conclusion as her mother. “Way too much salt,” Wilma commented, scrunching her nose. “But the sauce is delicious.”

Although she didn’t like to hear it sometimes, Astrid had always appreciated her mom’s honest criticism. It’s how she knew what she could do and what needed to be better. There was no talking around bullshit in the Hofferson house.

Which was why she held her chin up high and sat upright, conveying the notion of confidence and an abundance of shameful failure that she had to hide, while they all bravely put more sauce on their food. She celebrated her small victory when every pot was clean and every stomach full.

“Are you staying the night?” her father asked, scraping the last bit of under-salted cauliflower from his plate.

“Actually, I’m gonna stay a bit longer.” She immediately felt two pairs of eyes set on her face as she started collecting plates and cutlery. Unperturbed, she looked up and shrugged. “Eret’s on a convention for two weeks and I didn’t want to sit alone at home all day. And since you keep asking me to visit more, I thought I’d swing by for a while.”

“Since when are you sitting at home all day?” her father asked. “Don’t they have any dogs to train at the moment?”

The long answer would have been that ever since the Breakneck Adventure Park over in Bog had opened and the Raven Point Zoo had had a series of vandalism cases, the popularity and financial situation of RPZ had forced every department to cut salaries, even over in the attached dog obedience school Astrid worked at. Either a whole lot of people needed to get a dog that they needed help with training really soon, or their PR team had to come up with a better solution.

She settled for the short answer. “Not really.”

Her father looked like he wanted to discuss her occupational situation further, but she really didn’t want to get into it at the moment. She missed the dogs. Talking about her issues wasn’t what she came here for; it was rather the opposite. She wanted to distract herself, push away everything she seemed to be failing at.

“Do we have cake?” She opened the fridge and a few cupboards, coming up empty.

Her mother shook her head. “There’s ice cream in the freezer.”

Astrid made a half-hearted attempt at checking, but she didn’t really want ice cream. Ice cream was for summer days and break-ups, and neither the former nor the latter applied to her right now. If she wanted to overstuff herself and quiet the craving she’d had since last night, she needed cake. And if there was none in the house, she would find a way to get her hands on it somehow. With a determined nod, she set her agenda for the next day.

She slept until noon, went shopping for ingredients, and looked up the easiest cake recipe she could find; one even she couldn’t mess up. It ended up a little too crispy anyway.

Trying not to think of what Eret might be doing or not doing at any given moment, she flipped through every magazine her mother had during the next three days, even the catalogues. Still asleep when her parents went to work, they usually found her lounging on the couch when they came back, or dozing in the hammock in the garden.

Her mother asked her about Eret at least twice a day and Astrid quickly grew tired of telling her that he was doing fine. She knew what her mom wanted to hear from her, but she wasn’t going to open up that can while she was browsing through the latest IKEA catalogue for the fifth time as if it was the most fulfilling activity in the world.

On her fifth day back at her parents’ house, she went into battle with the kitchen again and baked three cakes – the first one ended up too dry, the second was perfect except that she forgot to add sugar, and the chocolate cream she added to the third was way too sweet. She ate the whole thing that night and regretted it in the morning when she woke up feeling sick and frustrated.

Pushing away any stupid upcoming worries related to sickness in the morning, she finally decided to leave the house. If everything she’d left at her own house was catching up to her at her island of refuge, she wanted to do nothing else than run. Channel everything into her muscles, kick at the ground with every step, show the world that this was something she could do perfectly.

She got up and opened the window, then got dressed while the fresh air cleared her head and chased away the queasiness. After she splashed cold water in her face, she already felt much better.

When she came downstairs, her parents were sitting at the breakfast table reading the newspaper, the radio playing the usual morning program in the background. Surprised that she was up so early on a Saturday compared to the past days, they eyed her running gear while she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

“Aren’t you going to sit with us?” her mother asked.

Astrid shook her head and chugged down the juice. “I’ve been neglecting my training. I have to catch up.” She knew that her mother wouldn’t object to that. And it wasn’t as if she was lying; she did need to train more, especially now that the swimming hall was closed for renovations and her assistant had taken over training the kids at the place that belonged to that damned theme park in Bog. Heaven forbid she betrayed her principles and supported that place in any way, shape or form. But if she sat down now, she might have to listen to her mother asking her about her home life once again.

“But tonight we’re going out for dinner, okay?” her father shouted after her when she’d already grabbed a banana and was halfway out the front door.

“Sure!” she yelled back and then she was gone.

She ate her banana and stretched on the lawn before she put the peel in the trash and fell into a brisk pace, heading down the street. Running felt invigorating, like throwing off a heavy coat and allowing her cells to be injected with life again.

A soft morning breeze caressed her skin and the beams of the May sun on her back promised another warm day, even though the browning leaves in the front gardens she passed were screaming for it to rain.

The whole city was in bloom. Streets were glowing in white, pink and lavender, rich greens adorned the trees, petals and pollen were flying through the air, and Astrid was glad she didn’t have any allergies. A particularly beautiful patch of blue, orange and yellow flowers made her slow down for a moment, listening to the bumblebees buzzing around the vibrant colors. Breathing in the pleasant fragrance, she continued down a narrow path towards the park.

She hadn’t bothered to bring her phone and headphones, taking in the performances of various arias pleasantly filling her ears from every direction. A family of ducks crossed her path at the entrance of the park, heading for the lake that stretched through the whole park like a still river. The water was glistening in the sun, its smooth surface disrupted by water birds going about their morning activities and various insects dancing at the top. Plenty of people were already out and about, runners like her, people with their dogs, a few families. A young couple with a child in a stroller caught her eye and she ran faster.

Concentrating solely on the road and the rhythm of her feet and breath, she shut out everything else, as if she were wearing blinders. She counted to ten, sprinted, slowed down, started anew, until her lungs began to burn and her feet were stomping harder on the gravel.

Life was good. Despite her payment cuts, her mostly self-imposed lack of exercise, and what happened last weekend at home, she was okay. A failure wasn’t a failure if she could overcome it. It was just a minor hiccup on the road… _Ha_.

One and a half years later and even the word made her stomach drop. She was back in Berk, not just in the outskirts to get to Raven Point for work, to the swimming hall for training, or to her parents’ house for one afternoon. If she didn’t want to return to a quiet house where she would anxiously wait for her husband’s return, she would have to get over her paranoia that she could run into the one person in all of Berk she didn’t want to see. Or rather couldn’t allow herself to see.

One and a half years and he was still on her mind. Not every day, sometimes not even for weeks, but he was like that annoying mosquito in her bedroom that, no matter how often she killed it, always respawned the next night. Perhaps if she kept comparing him to obnoxious, bloodsucking insects, her feelings about him would finally change.

She should have brought music. Then she could have just turned up the volume of the most energetic songs she had on her phone and drowned out every thought. Although the rush of running had shaken the layer of lazy languor from her limbs, she’d opened the corner of her mind that she’d successfully blocked with ignorance up until now.

She started counting her steps, just to have something to focus on in order to keep her mind from spiraling.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

She was at forty-nine when she evaded an old couple on their bicycles, and an ice cream cart on the other side of the lawn caught her eye.

It wasn’t so much the cart that made her heart stop out of the blue, without any preamble. It was the tall figure waiting in line, it was the auburn hair burning on his head like fire in the sun, it was the magnetism that instantly made her recognize him by pulling at her soul like the moon pulled at the ocean.

She tripped and caught herself on the next best thing, which happened to be a young man with dark hair and a dog leash hanging around his neck like the world’s longest, ugliest open tie.

“Whoa, there!” The guy put a hand on her arm, a flirty grin on his face. “No need to _fall_ for me, although I understand why you might.”

Momentarily confused, she blinked at him flexing his bicep and unabashedly checking her out. “What?”

He winked. “You should come to the gym with me some time to work out, you look like you work out.”

“What?” she repeated, her brain only slowly catching up to the situation. Her head turned by itself, seeking out the ice cream cart, but there was only a kid delicately balancing two huge cones with ice cream running down his fingers. She blinked. Had she only imagined – no. There he was, a few paces to the left, coming towards her. _Coming towards her_.

She completely froze, her line of sight pinned to his face, ears deaf to the lame pickup lines still coming out of the guy’s mouth like a waterfall. Then he looked her way, and the moment blue eyes locked onto green, she was transported back to Dagur’s party where she’d felt like a bolt of lightning had shot straight through her.

He stopped short and stared with wide eyes, mouth slightly agape, face white as linen. Time slowed down, an eternity of mere seconds passed, the universe narrowing down to its only two inhabitants.

“Hey, are you alright?”

The guy’s voice yanked her back to planet Earth and she realized she was still holding onto his shoulder, spacing out in the middle of the path like an idiot. Her heart started to beat again at full capacity and she remembered how to fill her lungs with oxygen.

“I… sorry,” she stammered and bolted, lightning fueling her, and she sprinted and sprinted, away from the green emeralds boring into her back. Out of sight, out of mind, until she had used up all of her adrenaline and her legs gave out underneath her.

* * *

Hiccup’s understanding of space and time momentarily vanished. Gravity was an illusion. Down was up and up was down. Were dragons real? Words had no meaning. Tuna was a lie. A frying pan was a kind of bird. Colors tasted like witchcraft. The eyes of Astrid Hofferson were even more captivating than he remembered.

He was certain only that last one was true. It was a mystery to him how his heart was still beating. He didn’t register the ice cream escaping his grasp and painting a trail down his jeans onto his shoes. He was too occupied staring after the blonde ponytail swinging on her back, shorter than he remembered, as her frame became smaller and smaller until she rounded a corner and was but a fading melody riding the waves of the aftershocks she caused to his heart and soul.

“Dude, people are staring!”

Hiccup blinked a few times before shaking the haze off his brain and following the source of the complaint to the man in front of him.

“Did you shit your pants or something? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Checking just to be sure, he shook his head. No, he did not shit his pants. He wasn’t so sure about seeing a ghost, though. With an awkward cough, he returned to reality and frowned at the sticky stains on his clothes. _Typical_.

“Who– who were you just talking to?” he carefully asked his old friend, hoping desperately he hadn’t imagined her.

Snotlout’s face changed from embarrassed to overconfident in the blink of an eye. “That hot chick over there?” With his thumb, he pointed over his shoulder in the direction she had just disappeared to. “Yeah, she totally digs me. Wouldn’t admit it, but she did.”

“Did she tell you her name?”

“Psh, Hiccup, my man. Names are for second dates only.”

Hiccup raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Let me guess, she didn’t even talk to you and only accidentally bumped into you?”

Snotlout opened his mouth, closed it, then turned and whistled for his dog.

“Thought so,” he mumbled and followed Snotlout to where the man’s dog was pulling so hard on its leash it wasn’t exactly clear who was the master of whom. Before they made their way back to Snot’s apartment, Hiccup looked back once more, as if the remaining ghost of her presence would show itself and talk to him. But she was long gone.

On their way back into the city, Hiccup barely said a thing, still miles away. But it wasn’t like he was needed to fill the air with conversation since Snotlout was talking nonstop. Hiccup managed a comment here and there, but if he’d been asked what they’d been talking about when they reached the apartment, he would have been unable to answer.

The inside of the apartment was, to his nonexistent surprise, a mess. Dog toys and barbells were lying everywhere, one side of the rundown couch was full of dog hair, and it smelled of bacon and sweat. But what struck Hiccup the most was the nearly bald fir tree in the corner. Dry needles covered the ground and mismatched baubles and an assortment of cheap wooden decorations were desperately clinging to the twigs like a last lifeline.

“Really? Still?” he asked while Snotlout put dog food in a bowl. “I thought you wanted to throw that thing away weeks ago.”

Snotlout shrugged. “Eh. Didn’t seem worth the effort. It’s almost Christmas soon again, anyway.”

“It’s May, Snot.”

“So? As soon as I buy a new one, I just have to put the balls from one tree to the other. No need to cram everything back on the shelf.” He opened a can of coke and flopped onto the clean end of the couch.

With a defeated sigh, Hiccup decided to free the tree from its misery and started with taking off the wooden stars. In the background, Snotlout was scrolling through his phone and slurping his coke.

“Snot.”

“What?”

“At least bring me the boxes these go in.”

He heard a series of groans and shuffling, a few choice swear words, then an armful of cartons were unceremoniously dropped next to him and the slurping started anew. Sometimes, Hiccup wondered why they were friends. But some bonds just seemed to miraculously never break.

His mind wandered to the park again, to the blonde ponytail highlighted by the sun, to the two blue orbs circling his thoughts ever since. He was electrified in such a familiar way, his heart speeding up again at the mere memory of her frozen face as she stared back at him.

“I think it was Astrid,” he blurted out, for fear he would burst if he didn’t voice it.

The slurping stopped. “Who?”

“The girl from earlier. The one you probably drove off with your obnoxious flirting.”

Snotlout was quiet for a moment. “Am I really that awful?”

Hiccup had to smile despite himself. That was why he was still friends with Snotlout Jorgenson. Because as irritable and annoying and full of himself he was most of the time, underneath all that there was a boy who actually cared. Cared what women thought of him, what his father thought of him, even what Hiccup thought of him. It was rare that he showed his vulnerable side and Hiccup always made sure not to tease him about his honesty, aware of the trust his friend put in him.

“Depends on what you said this time. Maybe stop diving in full force every time a woman so much as glances at you. Usually, they don’t like that.”

The slurping continued, followed by a loud belch. “I can’t believe I’m taking advice from you. You’re not exactly the king of the ladies. And if that in the park was Astrid, then I can’t even begin to tell you how far out of her league you are.”

Hiccup didn’t need to be told that. He’d always known that she was unattainable for him, just not for the reason Snotlout thought. There’d been a connection between them, and if he’d considered it only a hopeful fragment of his imagination at first, he’d definitely felt it the last time he’d seen her.

“Jingle bells, Hiccup smells, Astrid ran away. She will never love you back and Snotlout is the king!”

“That’s not what happened.” Hiccup regretted telling him about her. In his defense, though, that had been after Snot had put extra rum in his tea during the Christmas party thrown by the neighborhood they’d grown up in together. And if the woman from the park had indeed been her, then he refused to believe that she’d run away. General running, that’s what she’d been doing. The athletic kind.

“Jingle bells, Astrid smells, Hiccup ran away. He is such an idiot and Snotlout is the king!”

“She doesn’t smell,” Hiccup mumbled, overwhelmed by the sudden memory of her flowery scent when he’d stood so close to her under the canopy. When he’d come to her wedding in an attempt to make peace with the fact that they could never be together. Because he’d been too late; because it wouldn’t have mattered. She loved another man that she would spend the rest of her life with, and coming to her wedding day of all times to tell her he wanted to be that man would not have been fair. She’d made her decision and he couldn’t just tell her what to do.

Maybe he really was an idiot.

A part of him wanted to drill Snotlout for details, ask what exactly she’d said, if she’d said anything at all. Ask if she still had a nose speckled with tiny freckles and ask if her eyes still resembled a clear blue summer sky.

But he didn’t. He’d sworn to get over her, and so far, that had worked… Or maybe not, he’d just chosen to ignore it and to tell himself he wasn’t still thinking about her.

“What about Angela?” it came from the couch, accompanied by the metallic crinkling sound of an empty can. “She seemed to like you. Or Crankyhead McPurplepants.”

“You mean Kristy?”

“If she’s the cranky one with the purple pants, then yeah.”

Hiccup shrugged. “None of them worked out.” A few months ago, he’d downloaded a dating app and dived into the world of online dating, only to delete his profile and create a new one every other week in a vicious cycle of loneliness and breakups when none of them could smother the fire for long that she’d started within him. He was completely and utterly hung up on a girl he barely knew and yet felt deep in his heart every time a storm was raging through the sky and bolts of lightning illuminated the night.

And if he spent the majority of the next day on a bench in the park where he’d seen her yesterday, then that was just a coincidence. Because even the prospect of being friends with her seemed impossible, and who was to say he hadn’t merely imagined her? Maybe he’d seen someone who looked a lot like her, maybe even a cousin or some kind of doppelganger designed to torment him.

But she didn’t show up again. His stomach was growling and he felt restless, his right leg jiggling up and down like a bouncy ball on a sugar rush. Who was he kidding, anyway? He was just being pathetic. Giving up with a heavy heart, he left the park and went to the only place in Berk that sold his favorite cheap sandwiches on a Sunday evening.

Entering the main kiosk at Berk Central Station, he headed straight for the fridge, deciding between turkey and tuna, and ending up grabbing both sandwiches. It was only when he turned around that he caught sight of the small corner with the drugstore products.

Her hair was hanging over her shoulder in a slightly messy braid that she kept absentmindedly fiddling with. The jeans she was wearing had a large coffee stain at the side. The letters on her hoodie read _Berk Vikings Swim Team_ and a year in Roman numerals. She was frowning at something on the shelf in front of her.

He blinked once, twice, to make sure it was really her, here, in this very kiosk, at this very moment in time.

Before he could overthink it, he walked up to her and, only hesitating for a few seconds, reached out his hand to touch her shoulder ever so slightly. She winced the same moment he pulled back his hand from the shock that had just rushed through his fingertips at the contact.

She turned around in question and time froze once more.

He swallowed hard. “Hey.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while again, but when you're writing your Bachelor thesis, you don't have much time for anything else. I'm so glad to be back now!

“Hey.”

His touch and voice tore Astrid from her thoughts and her mind blanked for a second. Up close, she could see the many freckles on his face and the strands of hair that stood in every direction. When she caught his eyes properly, she steeled herself.

“Hi.”

He started balancing back and forth on his heels, casually putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans, dropping the two packed sandwiches he’d just held. “I thought I saw you at the park yesterday.” He ducked down to pick up his food, coming up with a red face.

“Oh, right. I was…” – _running away from you –_ “in a hurry.”

She watched as he absentmindedly grabbed something from a shelf next to him and ran his fingers over the print. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she registered it was women’s shaving cream.

“Yeah, me, um, me too. I mean–“ He put the item back and ran his hand over his neck and the gesture was so familiar, she wondered how she’d come to learn to associate it with him during the handful of times they met. “I was there with my friend, and… Oh my god, you met him, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what he said to you, he just doesn’t hear how stupid and obnoxious he sounds most of the time, and he doesn’t mean to, at least not usually, and I’m sure he didn’t want to sound like a creep or anything, and I really hope he wasn’t being terrible, because he can actually be nice, and I’m rambling, do you want me to stop talking, I can stop talking, I can – I’ll just stop talking.”

Maybe it was the awkwardness, the hands flying roller coasters through the air, and the genuine concern about annoying her, or maybe it was her lack of sleep from last night, but she couldn’t stop the amused grin from blooming on her face.

“It’s okay, I don’t even remember what he said.” She reached out and gently socked him on the arm. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

He exhaled in relief and properly smiled at her for the first time. It was that lopsided smile and the kind gleam in his eyes that still kept haunting her in her dreams and fantasies that she just couldn’t seem to ban from her mind, no matter how hard she tried. But she had to make peace with that. She’d had to accept that one of her favorite shows had ended in an, in her opinion, not so perfect way, and she couldn’t do anything about that as well. (If she turned a blind eye, the comparison might even work.)

“It’s been what, one and a half years? How- how’s everything? How’s um… How’s Eret?”

„Good. It’s… We’re good. He’s on a work trip.” Why was she so nervous? Maybe it was the effect of those green eyes and that smile that made her fidgety and stumble over her words.

He was about to respond when she held up her hand in an emergency decision. “Look, I have to go.” Didn’t need to make up a reason, right? “But maybe we can talk later?” She fished her phone from her pocket and created a new contact before handing it to him. “I don’t have much to do this upcoming week and since my best friend is on vacation in Europe, having a friend around would be nice.”

For a moment, he stared at the device a bit dumbfounded, then his fingers tapped a series of digits and he handed it back. “All your friends are on vacation in Europe?”

“No, just that one. But everyone else is kind of busy.” Did that sound like some kind of excuse? She hoped not.

“Oh, okay. Well, I’ve got work, but not all day, so…” Before he could start rambling again, he stopped himself by pressing his lips together and nodding a few times.

Giving herself something to do that didn’t include looking at his soul-searching eyes, she fumbled with her phone, opening up a new chat and typing in a simple “_hi_” and a friendly emoji. “Check your phone.” Looking up again, she gave him one last smile, then she grabbed the next best item from the next best shelf and brushed past him on her way to the door.

“Um, don’t you want to pay?” he called after her. Right, crap. The cashier looked up from his magazine at Hiccup’s words and watched her warily with narrowed eyes. Wordlessly, she hurried over and fumbled a bill out of her wallet on autopilot, taking the change and stuffing it in the pocket of her pants. Then she left with a quick wave over her shoulder. Hiccup was still standing there, holding his sandwiches in one hand and the other frozen mid-air in a waving gesture.

Only when she was back at the house did she realize she’d bought shaving cream with a raspberry and cheesecake smell. With a groan, she tossed it into her duffle back. She hated that artificially sweet stuff. She’d have to go back to the store to get what she’d actually come for tomorrow. Hopefully, she wouldn’t run into anyone else that she knew.

After several hours had passed and her phone hadn’t chimed once, she huffed and turned it off. Her heart shouldn’t be beating so fast every time she checked it for new messages. She wasn’t a teenager waiting for her crush to text her, although the sentiment didn’t seem too far off, her age aside. But she would rather punch herself in the face than admit it was true. If anything, she was waiting for a friend to contact her. Nothing more.

It was the only truth that she’d ever allowed herself to believe. At times, it sounded almost like a mantra she kept repeating, in yet another sleepless night after she woke from the same old dream. She knew that Eret could tell something was off with her, trying to concentrate on throwing these thoughts and feelings out of her mind and unintentionally growing distant while fighting her inner battle of guilt and stubborn loyalty to her principles. Whenever Eret realized he couldn’t get through to her during these phases, he grew distant himself, and it usually ended in either a big fight or a steamy reconciliation.

She guessed it had only been a matter of time until they’d end up where they were now. But she didn’t want to remind herself of last week, instead nudging her thoughts in a more flowery direction. Like to last winter when she went to Austria, high into the Alpines, feeling like she was in a whole other world. Almost touching the sky, her steps painting shapes into the white wonderland, the air frosty and revitalizing.

Then she came home, back to Eret, back to the life she chose, back to the routine that would slowly make her restless again. Make her feel like there was more to her life than Eret, although she quickly made herself brush that thought aside. For the most time, everything was fine and she was glad she married him. It was what she’d always wanted – a secure life with someone she loved and who she knew loved her, a life she was comfortable and familiar with.

But after a while, that restless feeling would return, and she booked her next ticket. Sometimes, her husband would accompany her on her adventures and they were twenty again, their relationship new and exciting. Other times, however, she went alone, glad to get away from it all. It was like a never-ending cycle of comfortable domesticity and the longing for more.

For some reason, sitting on her parents’ couch, waiting for a text from a guy she shouldn’t be so excited about texting, felt like another adventure, like that something more she was always desperate to reach. It shouldn’t.

She could feel herself drifting off into dangerous territory again, fields upon fields of what-ifs, throwing her about like a churning ocean as soon as she dared to step onto the soil. The only other pressing matter on her mind was no good alternative to mull over, though. It just made the ball of nerves in her stomach tighten until she couldn’t sit still anymore, so she jumped off the couch and went for another run. Maybe, if she drove herself to exhaustion, her mind would become pleasantly blank.

The exercise helped. Soon enough, she could hear her blood pumping through her veins, could feel every short breath in her lungs, every muscle in her body. Her feet were pounding onto the asphalt and dirt paths that lead her all around the neighborhood, until she reached the house again, panting and refreshed despite the sweat running down her skin. She felt right again, like everything was how it was supposed to be.

Only after she took a long shower and dragged dinner with her parents out into the late hours of the day, she turned her phone on again. It chimed, several new messages popping up. None from Eret. A few from Ruffnut, asking for a video chat. One from her assistant trainer, telling her that the Berserkers, their rival swim club from the next town over, had opened up a spot for Berk’s junior team to train in their swimming hall, the small one reserved for the swim club only. It was good news, very good at that. Not only could she finally go swimming again, but her team had the chance to train again as well, to get ready for their next meet with the Berserkers and Bog Burglars.

Taking a deep breath, Astrid put her phone away and rolled onto the other side of the bed, burying her nose in the pillow with the small smile on her lips wavering. No further messages.

* * *

The berries in Hiccup’s sundae were swimming in a sea of melted ice cream, splotches of whipped cream giving the sad picture a moldy flair. Around him, the sound of chatter and spoons clinking against glass provided his ears with white noise; not even the voices of his friends discussing some trivial matter reached his ears.

His eyes were glued to the little text box on the bottom of his phone screen, his fingers hovering above the letters of the virtual keyboard. The screen went dark from inactivity and his reflection stared back at him, adorned by greasy fingerprints in the shape of his unlock pattern.

“Hiccup, you still with us?” The sound of his name finally pulled him out of his thoughts. When he looked up, three pairs of eyes were looking at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

“You kind of spaced out there for a while.” Fishlegs pointed at the phone in his hands, trying to get a look at the screen but giving up when he saw it was dark.

“Oh. Sorry. I was just… Never mind.” He laid his phone next to his sundae and started stirring the warm, sugary soup with the long spoon, frowning at the viscous consistency. Just when he had brought himself to eat a spoonful of ice cream soup, his phone chimed and he dropped the spoon as if it were burning hot. It fell back into the sundae, splashing purple-pinkish soup on his shirt.

His shoulders sagged when he saw it was a text from his dad, replying to his last message with a simple thumbs up. With a sigh, he went back to stirring his soup, ignoring the curious looks of his friends.

“Did something happen?” Fishlegs asked, concern lining his voice. “Are you waiting for an important call?”

Hiccup shrugged in the most casual way he could. “Nah. It’s just the old question of who’s going to text first, me or her.”

His friend’s face lit up in understanding, then went back to a slight frown. “I thought you quit online dating.”

“I did.”

Leaning forward, Heather pushed her empty sundae cup away from her and placed her elbows on the small table. “Enlighten us. We want details.”

Hiccup sighed. “It’s not like that. She’s… a friend.” Heather didn’t look convinced in the slightest, her eyes boring into him like an aggressive x-ray. He quickly turned to the man sitting next to her. “So, Cam. How was London?”

Cam, a young man with blonde hair that went down to his shoulders, scratched his beard as he put on a reminiscent smile. “Not as rainy as we thought.”

“As you thought,” Heather interrupted him and set her eyes back on Hiccup. “And you stop changing the topic!”

But Hiccup kept his attention stubbornly on Cam. “Heather mentioned you guys saw Romeo and Juliet at the theater?”

With a wary glance at Heather who was still not done with the subject, Cam nodded. “The interpretation was a little unusual, with a lot of slang and modern topics. Not quite the classic Shakespeare experience, but it was a really funny performance.” He grinned. “During an intermission, there was this group of teens who asked me if I was related to Kurt Cobain.”

“What did you tell them?” Fishlegs asked.

“I wanted to spin some story, but then someone,” he threw a pointed glance at Heather, “butted in and had lots of fun talking about how I just needed a haircut.”

“You’re welcome,” Heather said in a sugar-sweet voice, prompting a discussion over Cam’s hair that Hiccup didn’t bother listening to. He was too pre-occupied with trying to find a nice way to draft a text message in his head. What was he supposed to say to her? Did she even want him to text her? Maybe she’d given him a fake number so he’d leave her alone. Despite the warm weather, he suddenly felt cold.

“Earth to Hiccup, you’re doing it again.” Apparently, Hiccup’s crisis over texting a girl was more interesting than Cam’s Kurt Cobain hair. Such a pity.

Once again, the attention of the whole group was on him, and he knew that especially Heather wouldn’t give up until he told her what his problem was. He shoved his phone back in his pocket where it would hopefully stop haunting him, at least for the moment, and rolled his eyes. “Like I said, she’s a friend and we’re not dating.”

“Yet,” Cam commented but Hiccup pointedly ignored him.

“Then why are you so nervous about texting her?” Fishlegs asked.

Hiccup scratched his neck. “It’s complicated.”

“Why?”

One look at his friends and their attentive expressions and he realized he wasn’t going to get out of this so easily. He fiddled with the paper napkin under the sundae cup, ripping off a piece and rolling it to a ball between two fingers. “Because,” he mumbled, so quiet the others had to lean in to understand him, “she’s in a relationship and we have something like history, mostly on my part.”

“Oh,” said Cam.

“History?” it came from Fishlegs.

“What kind of relationship?” asked Heather, her eyes narrowed, the answer already in the back of her mind, poking at the surface behind a suspicious expression.

Hiccup sighed. The only person who hadn’t been there when the whole Astrid fiasco had started was Cam, and he didn’t feel like explaining the entire thing to him. So he just threw Fishlegs and Heather a meaningful look and clarified, “I mean that she’s married.”

“Oh,” said Cam again, none the wiser.

“Oh,” said Fishlegs, knowingly, and with a pitying frown.

Heather rolled her eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Still?!”

About nine months ago, Heather had called him one night, and the next morning they’d gone out for breakfast and talked for hours. About them, their relationship, the past, the future. He had told her the whole Astrid story and she had listened. She had apologized for being so harsh to him, but she’d been hurting, and Hiccup knew that. She also told him about her recent breakup and it had felt like something heavy had been lifted off his chest when they’d talked it out and realized that after all this time, they were still friends. It was that day that Hiccup noticed the guy shyly looking at her from a few desks over every once in a while, his long blonde hair falling into his face.

“Yes, still, unfortunately. I can’t exactly turn that off, you know.”

“Stop sassing me, Hiccup, and tell us what happened.”

“Less than you think,” he said and recounted his two encounters with her over the past two days.

“Just that we’re clear,” Fishlegs started when he was done, “we are talking about Astrid Hofferson, right?”

“Yes,” Hiccup and Heather confirmed in unison.

“Who?” asked Cam.

“The reason Hiccup and I broke up.”

“Hey!” Hiccup exclaimed. “You know that’s not all true.”

“Weeeeell…” it came from Fishlegs in a high-pitched voice, prompting Hiccup to roll his eyes.

“She wasn’t the whole reason, just the catalyst.” He nodded in Heather’s direction. “And you know that.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever, it’s in the past,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Fact is, you can’t keep waiting for a girl who’s as unavailable to you as her. She’s married, Hiccup. She made her choice. Move on.”

“But what if she likes him too?” Fishlegs threw in.

“Then she’s still married. And it wouldn’t be Hiccup’s problem, it would be hers.”

“It would still concern him,” Cam countered. “And isn’t it his problem already?”

“Well, yes,” Heather said, “but it wouldn’t be his choice to make, is what I mean.”

Hiccup wiped a hand over his face. “Then what do I do?”

Heather shrugged. “Easy. If you still feel like you need to, you text her a universal ‘hey, how are you’ and then you move on with someone else. My brother’s been seeing this guy for fun recently, no strings attached, and it helped him move on from his previous relationship. Maybe that’s something you could try, just hook up for sex, without any hopes or expectations going in, and maybe you’ll find someone you really like.”

“You brother is gay?” Fishlegs asked, slight surprise coating his voice. “I didn’t know that.”

“Took him a while to figure it out, but yeah, very gay.”

“Honestly,” Hiccup murmured, “that doesn’t surprise me in the least.”

“Right?” Heather chuckled. “So, what do you think? Have meaningless sex and find some love?”

Hiccup’s smile disappeared. “I tried to date other people, Heather. It never worked out. I just can’t forget her.”

“That’s why I said go in without expectations, because you’ll immediately start comparing the poor girl to someone you can never have.”

“First of all, how is me going in without trying to fall in love with someone going to help me forget Astrid? Second, I’m not the guy for casual hookups. I want something real, and no matter on how many dates I go, no matter how much effort I put into moving on, I can’t find that with anyone else because all I can think of is _her_.”

Especially now, with the invisible weight of her phone number in his pocket. He flopped back into his chair, suddenly exhausted. He’d lain awake for hours last night, contemplating whether it was actually a good idea or not to text her, the tips of his fingers tingling from simply reading her name in his contacts and the simple ‘_hi_’ she’d texted him to give him her number. Which she’d done on purpose, which in return had to mean something, didn’t it? And she had basically asked him to be her friend…

Cam let out a low whistle. “Sounds like you have it bad, man.”

“I collectively only spent about six hours with her, and I fell in love with her.”

Heather huffed. “Oh, please. In _love_? What’s her favorite color?”

“Blue,” he answered quick like a shot. “But she also likes soft gold tones.”

“Did she tell you that or are you just guessing?”

Suddenly taken aback, Hiccup racked his brain for the memory and came up short. “I don’t…” He couldn’t remember her ever sharing this particular piece of information with him, and yet he was so sure that he knew. How?

“Look, there’s no logical explanation for why I feel this way. But it… It’s like…” Gesticulating, he searched for the right words. “It’s like I’m the land of the dinosaurs and she’s the meteor that crashed and changed everything. Like I’m a ghost town and she’s the magic that strikes like lightning and creates new life.”

Cam was picturing his words, Fishlegs nodded the way he did when reading and trying to understand poetry, and Heather just raised an eyebrow at the analogies.

“And now… Now I have the chance to truly get to know her, even if all I can ever get from her is friendship.”

Heather considered this for a moment. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you.” He nodded with a grave smile. “But you don’t even know her.”

“Maybe if he gets to know her,” Fishlegs pondered, “he’ll realize that she’s not that great.”

“Maybe,” Heather mused. “And then you’ll get over your infatuation.”

“You’re always so supportive.”

“Hey, I’m just looking out my friend because I don’t like to see him hurting.”

“The same goes for me,” Fishlegs added. “If you think it will make you happier to text her than to cut her from your life completely, I think you should just do it.”

Cam fished his phone out of his jacket, pulled up a video and wordlessly held it in Hiccup’s direction. “JUST DO IT!” Shia LaBeouf screamed at him. Heather pinched the bridge of her nose in fond exasperation.

Fishlegs gave him two encouraging thumbs up. “Just text her hi.”

Hiccup looked between his three friends, ignoring Shia who was still screaming at him, and willed the ball of nerves in his stomach to go away. It was just a text, a simple electronic message that he probably attributed more meaning to than it actually held. He could still back out. Could resolve to hearing about Astrid and her life from Heather who’d know from Dagur who’d know from Eret…

But the prospect of a life completely devoid of her felt worse to him than just being her friend with the additional pain of never being able to be with her the way he wanted to, although that would go with the first option as well. So maybe getting to know her was the only way to go from here, since being without her hadn’t been of any help so far. And maybe, even though he doubted it with all he had, he would get over her as soon as he knew her better.

He took out his phone and weighed it in his hand for a minute, like weighing out his options, until Heather snatched it from him. “I still don’t like the thought of you getting hurt through this more than the other way, but…” She held the device directly in front of his face. “Just goddamn text her so you can get to know her and stop putting her on a pedestal.”

Taking a deep breath, he unlocked his phone, pulled up his chats, selected hers, and before he could overthink it, he typed in a simple ‘hello’ and a smiley face and hit send. Only a few seconds passed until he started wondering if perhaps he should have send more, like an explanation why he waited a day to text her, or his name because she’d already deleted his number, and that reminded him that this might not even be her real number and he was already spiraling.

“Did you do it?” He glanced up at Fishlegs who was once more trying to get a peek of his phone screen. Hiccup decidedly turned it off and shoved it back into his pocket.

“Yes.” He pointed at the warm ice cream soup before him. “And now I need another one of these.”

It was late when he turned his phone back on, the nerves in his stomach tangled like his father’s knitting yarn after his cat had declared it its mortal enemy that had to be defeated in a life or death encounter.

The breath in his lungs turned to stone when his notifications appeared. A couple new mails, ads from applications he never deleted, and a handful of new texts he skimmed with lightning speed. Group chats, colleagues, Snotlout, Cam with a Nirvana gif and the same old Shia video, and– the frown on his face turned into a wide smile. One new text from Astrid.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently rewatched some New Girl and noticed how Schmidt and Hiccup have a similar... situation. Both are hopelessly gone for a certain person and no matter what they do, they just can't get over her, not even in the long run. (And both women are badass in their own way.)

Thursday lunchtime found Hiccup sitting on the same bench in the park he’d spent the majority of his Sunday on. That day seemed so long ago already, although not even a week had passed since he’d seen Astrid again, after eighteen months. Now, after only two days (and most of two nights) of texting with her, he felt like he’d known her his entire life. There was something about talking to her that just came natural to him, like breathing and rolling his eyes at Snotlout.

He glanced nervously at his watch, the big hand running a few minutes ahead. There were twenty minutes left on his break and he needed five to get back to the building. Three if he sprinted. Tapping his finger rapidly on the chipped green paint of the wood he was sitting on, his eyes kept scanning his surroundings over and over again.

Maybe she wasn’t coming after all, for whatever reason. Perhaps she decided that a good book in the hammock in her parents’ garden that she told him about was more worth her time. Spending approximately fifteen minutes with him on a park bench in the middle of the day couldn’t be the most exciting thing she could do on her day off. But in-between their work schedules, seeing each other was harder than he’d anticipated.

He perked up when he suddenly heard someone call his name. And there she was, coming his way down an uneven path on a bicycle, waving at him with a smile on her face. Her hair was barely held back by a headband, flying freely in the airflow.

With a gravel-splattering brake, she came to a stop and leaned her bike against the back of the bench. Out of breath and wiping her hair out of her face, she flopped down next to him.

“Hey,” she panted, taking out her headband, shaking her head and combing through her long golden locks with her fingers. “Sorry I’m late. I wanted to take the bike so I don’t have to search for a parking spot. But the front tire was flat and we only had a hand pump.” She was done with her hair and put the headband back in before finally turning to him with a bright smile that left him speechless for a moment.

“It- It’s okay,” he stammered, momentarily at a loss about how conversations worked. “Now you’re here.”

“Now I’m here.” Her smile and eyes were so captivating, Hiccup could only smile back and stare, his brain wiped clean until she cleared her throat. “Nice weather, right?”

“Ah hmm, yes.” They simultaneously looked the other way, suddenly very interested in the municipal worker emptying a trash can a few benches over. “Very warm. And… dry. Not great for agriculture. Hopefully, it will rain soon, can’t have a bad harvest. Farmers need their money and my dad needs his potatoes. And it’s… kind of muggy?” He was stuck. And he knew that if he didn’t get a grip on himself, he’d keep talking about the weather and his father’s food preferences for the remaining time of his break, even longer if nobody stopped him. After a beat of silence, the awkwardness of the situation released itself in the disbelieving laughter bubbling out of him.

“What?”

He grinned at her, shaking his head and counting on his fingers. “In the past two days we’ve had deep conversations about ghosts, mortality, the difference between the souls of dogs and cats, the possibilities of a fish army, and whether or not dragons could survive in Florida these days. And now all we can talk about is the weather?”

“Well, if you put it like that…” she chuckled.

“Let’s start over, shall we.” He lifted his hand in greeting. “Hello, Astrid. It’s nice to see you. How are you feeling today?”

To his surprise, she high-fived the hand he was still holding up. “Hello, Hiccup. I’m doing fine, thank you very much.” She socked him on the arm.

“Hey, what was that for?!”

She shrugged while he rubbed his sore biceps. “Emphasis. Communication. Affection without words.”

His cheeks felt warm and he hoped it didn’t show. “Do you do that to everyone?”

“No, only to the people I like. And also to those I don’t like, but that’s a whole different angle and intensity. Trust me, you’d know the difference if I didn’t like you.”

“Note to self, don’t get on Astrid’s bad side.” His heart wouldn’t calm down. Why wouldn’t it just calm down? All she did was say that she liked him… Oh, boy. He gulped and changed the topic by voicing the first thought that came to him. “So, how’s married life going?”

For the tiniest fraction of a second, there was a shadow that briefly fell over her cheery demeanor, but it was gone so quickly, he could only wonder if he’d imagined it.

“Oh, you know, it’s very comfortable. There’s always someone there if you need to talk, someone to lean on and spend most of your time with. And, of course, it’s only your turn to clean the bathroom every other week.”

“Sounds like paradise,” he quipped.

“Yeah, not always, though.” When he frowned in question, she quickly added, “Eret’s allergic to dogs. I’ve always wanted a dog since I was a kid, but my parents aren’t big fans of pets. And my husband is allergic, so I have to get my fair share of dog from work.”

“Then what do you do on days you don’t have to work?”

“Suffer.” She pulled up a serious face but the twitching corners of her mouth betrayed her.

“Oh, I know all about that kind of suffering. Toothless, my cat, I’ve had him since I was fifteen. My ex-girlfriend – Heather, you remember Heather? Dagur’s sister? – she didn’t want cat hair all over the couch so he had to stay with my parents. After we broke up, I couldn’t find a good apartment that allowed cats so fast and I didn’t want to move back in with my parents.”

“Totally. I haven’t been here for two weeks and they’re already driving me nuts, especially my mom.” She rolled her eyes.

“Exactly, that’s why I kept looking for a better apartment and eventually, I found a nice one where I could finally live with my best bud again. And another plus is that I’m no longer living at the edge of the world.”

A sigh escaped her. “I wish I could live on my own again, just for the sake of getting a dog.”

“Really?” He watched her carefully. “Does having a dog really trump spending the rest of your life with the person you love most?”

She averted her face for the few long seconds it took her to answer. “Of course not.” Then, before he could dig deeper, her cheery smile was back. “You never showed me the cat pictures you promised.”

“Oh, right.” He decided to go with the change of topic, although he knew there was something bothering her, something she didn’t want to talk about. Instead, he pulled out his phone and opened a series of pictures of a large black housecat with huge green eyes and a very short tail.

Astrid leaned closer to him in order to look at his phone, her face so close to his that he could count the small freckles on her cheeks. Her hair smelled of something fresh and fruity and he had to concentrate hard to not bury his nose in her hair.

“He’s so cute!” she exclaimed and he shook his head to clear his mind of any inappropriate thoughts.

“Don’t be fooled, he can be the devil himself when he gets cranky.”

“He doesn’t look like it at all! But I personally know that the cutest of them are usually the worst… Hey, he almost has the same eyes as you!” She looked up and he only had half a second to prepare himself before he was once again captured by her gaze. Her eyes were so blue, and he could see his reflection in them in this light. An electric spark crept up his spine, flowed down his arms into his fingers, making them twitch and long to touch her.

He didn’t realize he wasn’t breathing until she coughed and looked back at his phone, cheeks dusted pink.

“What happened to his tail?”

“Huh?”

“His tail, it’s super short.”

“Oh.” He finally regained his focus. “It was bitten off when he was still a kitten, in a fight with the neighbor’s dog.”

“What kind of dog?”

“Hunting dog, I don’t know if I remember… I think it was a Germain short-something, a big white one with a brown head and spots.”

Her face lit up, still so, so close. “German shorthaired pointer. I’m helping train one of those at the moment. Her name is Kira, she’s very energetic, but also super adorable and loves to be pet and cuddled. When she sees people, familiar and new ones, she always comes up to them, puts her paw on their shoe, leans against their leg and looks up at them with big brown eyes.”

While she kept gushing about the dogs she’s working with, her eyes grew bigger, the love for her job and the animals evident in every line of her face, in the way she sat upright and tall like a flower growing towards the sun, the passion for what she did for a living extending from her in a radiant light. Right then and there, he fell in love with her a little bit more.

But then his phone started vibrating in his hand, the alarm he’d set for the end of his break cutting her short.

“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry, I have to get back to work.” For a moment, he considered quitting his job just to be able to listen to her talk about “her” dogs for a while longer. But she was already standing up and he followed her lead.

“It’s okay, we can talk later.” That alone lifted his heart. “I can walk with you to your building, if you want.”

“Yeah, that– I’d like that.”

Chatting comfortably the whole time, he led the way back to his workplace, with her pushing her bike between them. At the entrance, they met Fishlegs who’d been waiting for him like he always did when he started his shift after Hiccup’s lunch break.

Upon spotting a pretty girl with Hiccup who was laughing at something he said, Fishlegs’ face lit up with morbid curiosity. When Hiccup introduced the two with each other and mentioned Astrid’s name, he grinned and said, “I figured.”

“Why?” Astrid asked but before his friend could say anything embarrassing or too telling, Hiccup spoke up.

“So, yeah, now you two have met. But Fish and I, we really need to get going.” He started pushing the other man inside the building, looking back at Astrid over his shoulder. “It was nice seeing you.”

“You, too. Talk to you later?”

He couldn’t have stopped himself from smiling if he had tried. “Of course!” In front of him, still guided backwards by Hiccup, Fishlegs waved goodbye.

“Nice to meet you, Fishlegs!” was the last thing they heard from her before they were inside and the doors closed behind them.

The short walk to the elevator was quiet, but Hiccup could feel the curious questions waft through the air like smoke from a fire of inquisitiveness before they ultimately broke out in a darting flame.

“So how’s it going? You haven’t told me a lot yet, what are you guys talking about? Is Heather’s plan working? Are your feelings morphing into friendship? Or is it getting worse? What’s she like now that you know her better? Or do you not talk that much? Did you just meet her on purpose or coincidentally? And has she told you anything about her current relationship? Do you think you have a chance, romantically speaking?”

Five floors later, just in time with the _ding_ of the elevator, Hiccup finally got a word in. “Will you please breathe?” He had a feeling he wouldn’t get back to his work so soon.

The rest of the way to their office, down a long hallway and around a corner, he didn’t say a word. The last thing he wanted was a new wave of gossip from nosy, eavesdropping colleagues. It had taken them several months to get over the spilled tea incident where Sabrina from down the hall had accidentally poured a whole cup all over her white blouse. Fortunately, the tea had already been cold. Unfortunately, that day she’d worn her thinnest white bra.

When they were back behind closed doors, they sat at their respective workspaces. Hiccup regarded the mess of sketches and manuscript excerpts on his desk, the drawing tablet buried underneath the paper chaos ready to be worked with again. But Fishlegs’ stare was louder than the call of his tasks.

“We’ve been talking a lot over text,” he finally shared, defeated and well aware of how he wouldn’t get out of this conversation until he had it. His friends were way too invested in his love life. “Not awkward talks, though, as I’d originally feared. It’s like talking to someone you’ve known your entire life, with the difference that the inside jokes are only now coming to be. Today during lunch, she asked if I wanted some company and came to the park. And no, she hasn’t said much about Eret or anything regarding her home life, and I didn’t pry.”

Fishlegs scratched his chin. “Sounds like you’re becoming fast friends.”

“Friends, yeah.” He sighed. He was already feeling so much closer to her, but still she was so far out of reach. Like there was a wall that she’d built, for reasons he didn’t understand. Someday, he hoped, he’d gain the trust needed for her to open up. To feel like she could talk to him about what kept her awake until five in the morning, because it couldn’t just be to answer his texts about whether or not his cat had a soul.

“Have your feelings changed about her? If so, I can be the one to tell Heather so you don’t have to hear her say _I told you so_.”

“I appreciate that, but that’s not necessary. They have changed, kind of, but not in that way. They just grew stronger.” Absentmindedly, he took a pencil and started doodling on a blank piece of paper.

Fishlegs watched him for a few minutes before he pondered, “Maybe she has a dark secret or a really nasty side of her that you don’t know yet.”

Hiccup added shades and details to his sketch. “Last night, she told me about a fight she had with her father about something unimportant, and honestly, her dad was in the right. She was just too stubborn to admit her mistake. Which, if you ask me, is a quality you could call bad, depending on the situation.”

He almost didn’t catch Fishlegs’ mumbled, “Well, at least that makes two of you.”

“What’s that?”

“I’m just saying, you can be quite stubborn as well. Either you’ve found your match, or you’re going to drive each other absolutely mad.” He rolled over on his chair. “What are you drawing there, anyway?”

Hiccup slid the piece of paper back under the mess and pulled out the one he should actually work on. “I’m doing my job, what do you think?” Fishlegs slowly rolled back to his computer. “Now can we switch topics, please?” He grabbed a book from a pile on a desk behind him. “Because I’ve thought a lot about the stats we’ve come up with for the monsters in this book and I have a few new ideas.”

His friend rolled over once more, already full of enthusiasm for one of his favorite topics. The sketch of the exact shape and shades of Astrid’s eyes remained hidden until Hiccup put it in the folder with his other personal sketches once his shift was over. He felt like he could still improve the drawing, but he needed a reference to study rather than relying on his memories and imagination. Would it be weird to ask for a photo of her? It would be solely for artistic purposes, after all.

“I just hope you know what you’re doing,” Fishlegs said when they parted in the parking lot.

“I do,” Hiccup assured, although when it came to Astrid, he felt like he didn’t know anything at all. On his way home, he called her anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> German shorthairs can be absolutely adorable. Kira is my grandpa's dog, btw, and she loves being pet and getting love and giving all the love back by getting your clothes dirty.  
Any thoughts on the Hiccup-Schmidt from New Girl connection, dogs, the existence of souls in animals, dragons in Florida or... you know... this chapter? :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *looks at last update* Ouch. Whoopsie.  
Anyway, I'm still alive. The stars have aligned and I've both had enough time and motivation to finally finish this chapter. Yay? :D

Astrid’s energy level was on an invincible high. Even after riding her mom’s bike home at full speed, she felt like she could climb a mountain, run to the South Pole and back and swim through the Pacific Ocean, with a cherry on top. She even skipped a few steps on the way from the garage to the front door.

In the entryway, she tripped over a pair of shoes and bumped her knee on the coatrack. But even the sharp pain and brief frustration couldn’t dampen her mood. Whatever restlessness she might have felt in the past year and a half, it suddenly seemed insignificant, dumb even. Because everything was right with the world today, the spark of energy still pumping through her veins, even though all she’d done was bike to the park and meet a friend.

Him. Hiccup. Her biggest what-if. The only person who’d been able to distract her from everything that’d been weighing her down lately. She wanted to turn around and run back, just for the thrill of the feeling. She felt like she was an addict and he was her energy source, loading her cells with electricity.

Humming contentedly, she slipped out of her sneakers and walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Her mother was just packing her prepared late lunch into her bag, ready to leave for work. She looked up when her daughter entered the room.

“Hello, sunshine, what are you so happy about?”

“Oh, nothing specific,” Astrid told the cupboard when she reached for a clean glass. “It’s just a good day.”

“Where have you been? During all the hurrying and yelling for a tire pump I didn’t get a chance to ask.”

“Met with a friend in the park.” A new wave of energy made her hop onto the counter and ignore the chiding look from her mother. It wasn’t like she was getting dirt on anything; all she did was spill some water on her pants.

“I’m glad to see your mood has improved so much lately.” She pulled her daughter off the counter, overlooking the eyeroll she received.

“One can’t always be a gloomy Gus, right?”

“Speaking of – are you finally telling me what’s been going on with you?”

Astrid crossed her arms. “Just some female stuff. Aren’t you late for work?”

A quick glance at the clock on the wall made her mom’s eyes bug out of her head. “Oh, dear!”

As her mother was grabbing her keys, Astrid pointedly sat back on the counter, waving goodbye as Wilma rushed to the door, put on her shoes in record speed and bumped her knee on the coatrack. Then she was gone, the sound of her car’s engine fading in the distance.

Astrid took her time drinking her glass of water, swinging her legs back and forth, feet bumping into the counter like the beat to her own song. Humming various melodies, basking in the sunlight shining through the kitchen window, she found herself drifting off into a daydream. A very self-indulgent one. One where she could just rearrange her life so she had nothing to worry about anymore.

The chime of her phone shook her out of her little perfect fantasy and she almost rolled her eyes at herself for how silly her thoughts were. Dreaming too much about unrealistic notions was only a waste of time, especially if one could somehow achieve their dreams by actions instead.

She hopped off the counter and, while texting her colleague back that she could take over his shift the next day, made her way into her bedroom to grab her swimming bag. A short drive and change of clothes later, she dove into the pool and cut through the water like she was part of it.

On her way back home, right as she was singing along to Guns N’ Roses, her phone interrupted the song with a call. Glancing at the radio display, her lips curled into a smile when she saw who was calling and she tapped a button on her steering wheel.

“Hey there,” she greeted.

“Hi,” it came out of her speakers a little unclearly, static in the background that sounded familiar.

“Are you driving?”

There was a small pause. “What? Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“Are you driving?” she repeated a little louder.

“Yes, sorry. My car’s a piece of shit.” He was almost screaming.

“Are your windows down? It sounds like-“

“What?”

She groaned. They were getting nowhere like this. “Hiccup, can you hear me?” she shouted.

“Yes.” The background noise faded a little bit. “I’m in front of a red light, the engine’s quiet, now’s your chance.”

“Mine? You’re the one who called.”

“Right… Oops, yellow light.” The noise was back immediately.

Halting in front of a traffic light herself, Astrid grabbed her phone and quickly typed a message before an impatient honk behind her notified her that the line of cars in front of her was moving.

“Geez, calm down, jackass,” she mumbled and accelerated.

“WHAT?” It almost made her laugh this time. This was terrible.

“NOT TALKING TO YOU!”

That exact moment, the noise faded again. “You don’t have to scream, you know,” Hiccup joked.

“Just be glad I can’t hit you right now.” Before he had a chance to answer and be cut off by his car again, she kept talking. “You know what? I just texted you my address. If you want, you can come by and we can talk in a normal volume like normal people.”

“Define normal.” He chuckled and the noise picked up again. “But um… Yeah, yes, I can do that, I can… Yes. Um… See you in a few then, I guess?”

“Okay, great!” she shouted one last time before the call ended and Axl Rose continued singing about rain in November.

She made sure to be home first. She had just enough time to hang her swimsuit and towel in the garden to dry, kick her dad’s smelly old slippers far underneath the couch and check if there was toilet paper and soap in the guest bathroom, before the doorbell rang.

She made iced tea and they sat on the couch.

“So why did you call me earlier?” she asked, catching the straw between her teeth and taking a sip.

“Oh, ah…” Hiccup fidgeted around a bit, settling on sitting with one leg crossed under him, the other dangling off the couch. “I just… I was wondering… What your favorite color is?”

“That’s why you called me?”

He shrugged, leaning one elbow next to him on the back of the couch. His smile was a tad awkward, as if he didn’t quite know how to explain himself. “Yeah, see, I was on my way home and there was nothing good on the radio and I didn’t have my CDs and I was thinking and you know how I draw for a living? And I can’t exactly recall my train of thought but it ended at favorite color station and then I realized I never asked you what it was, your favorite color, I mean–”

“It’s blue,” she interrupted his rambling with a fond smile.

The hand holding his iced tea stopped midway through gesticulating. “Just blue?”

“I also like gold, but more the soft gold tones, not the flashy ones. But mostly blue.”

He nodded, thoughtful, as if this information was some kind of clue for a puzzle.

“What do you think mine is?” he then asked, brows still furrowed in thought, waiting for the last puzzle piece to click, or something.

“You want me to guess your favorite color?”

“Yeah, I… I’m curious about something.”

She took a few long sips of her iced tea, studying him intently. How should she guess what his favorite color was? Was he wearing it right now? His shirt was black with print in several colors. His jeans were blue, his shoes dark brown with olive green accents. She didn’t have a clue.

When she met his eyes again, which were observing her as if they were trying to read her thoughts or maybe steer them in the right direction, a sudden feeling overcame her. It was strangely familiar, accentuated by a certain smell pulling at the edges of her mind for the fraction of a second. She was still trying to make sense of that when he opened his mouth to say something, but she beat him to it.

“The forest. All the colors you find in the forest. Dark green, rich natural green, dark and light brown, maroon, autumn colors.”

He was silent for a moment before a wide smile lit up his eyes.

“Wait, was that correct?”

He nodded. “All of it.”

“No way! You’re bullshitting me.”

“I swear that I’m not!” He held up his hands.

“Seriously?! How the hell did I guess that right?” She unconsciously leaned closer, as if an invisible rope was drawing her in. “You _must_ have told me that once before!”

“I didn’t! Just as you never told me yours before now, but I immediately guessed it right when someone asked me about it recently.”

Astrid was still having a hard time coming to terms with her one in a million guess. What was this, some kind of uncanny connection? An elaborate prank of sorts? A lottery win? It took her a second to register that the gears she heard creaking in her head were, in fact, a key turning in the front door’s lock. A quick glance at the clock made her hopes that it was her dad returning from work early evaporate into thin air. Because her mother was the one who knew certain things. And certain faces.

Not blind to the sudden twist of panic on her face, Hiccup laid a not-helping hand on her knee. “Are you okay?”

Shuffling in her seat until she reached the spot on the couch furthest away from him, she nodded as casually as possible. “Sure.”

_He’s just a friend_, she told her rapidly beating heart, feeling almost twenty years younger, caught with her fingers in the chocolate pudding in the middle of the night. _Just a friend, just a friend, just a friend, just a friend, just_–

“Oh, hello!”

–_a f__riend…_

“Hey… Mom.”

Hiccup turned around, meeting her mother’s eyes. Astrid watched her reaction closely. At first, a curious intake of the face before her. Then, the slight narrowing of her eyes, a slowly raising eyebrow, culminating in the most harrowing anxiety-inducing kind of recognition Astrid could imagine.

“Mom, you remember Hiccup?” She sent her mother silent warning thoughts that didn’t seem able to penetrate the awkwardness she could practically see settling around her _friend_.

“I do,” Wilma said, gaze flitting between her daughter and the young man she remembered thoroughly confounding said daughter’s emotional state not quite so long ago.

“Nice to, er, nice to see you again, Mrs. Hofferson,” Hiccup greeted, shooting Astrid a wide-eyed panicked look.

“HICCUP, LET ME SHOW YOU THE HAMMOCK,” she all but shouted and grabbed his wrist, only to draw back immediately as the skin contact shot an electrical shock up her arm. Not letting that derail her escape attempt, she reached for his elbow and pulled him from the couch, making a bee-line for the garden door.

He gave a last awkward wave towards her mother before most willingly following her away from this encounter.

In a corner of the garden, a comfy hammock hung between an apple tree and a plum tree. She let herself fall into it backwards, sprawling her limbs for a second before making herself comfortable and patting the space next to her. Hiccup gingerly sat down, trying to leave some space between them, but the hammock wasn’t big enough. Slowly, gravity pulled him back towards the middle of the cloth, until their shoulders and hips were touching. Astrid didn’t complain.

“So… That was…” he started, but before he could say the word ‘awkward’, she interrupted him.

“How’s Toothless? How does he deal with having to wait for his dinner a little longer today?”

“Oh, he’ll live. Besides, I’m pretty sure he knows how to open the bag of dry food I’ve stored on the highest shelf.”

When he continued to talk about his cat, she mentally heaved a sigh of relief. She really wanted to avoid talking about why him meeting her mother again had been awkward, because then she’d have to acknowledge that there’d been something to talk about, and she’d rather not open that can of worms. Ever. So she just started idly rocking the hammock back and forth, pretending the motion was the reason for the pleasant fluttering in her stomach.

* * *

Wilma Hofferson liked to spend the end of a workday on the couch, newspaper or a magazine in hand and a pot of tea on the table. Sometimes, when her husband came home early, he’d join her, and they’d chat about their day or sit in comfortable silence, passing over parts of the newspaper every once in a while. It was her favorite way to relax and wind down after a stressful day.

Today, however, she was having trouble concentrating on the latest news from the sports industry and the discourse surrounding politics. The tea on the couch table was already cold and the muscles in her back wouldn’t quite react to the pillows.

One of the windows stood ajar and she could hear occasional bouts of laughter and exclamations waft over from the other side of the garden. For the past week or two, she’d been worried about her daughter. It was obvious that there was something bothering her, something serious she refused to talk about, or even acknowledge. And Wilma hated it, hated not knowing what was going on, what was causing her child such inner turmoil.

Now, however, it seemed the most important piece of the puzzle had appeared on the very couch she was sitting on right now. The urgent looks Astrid had thrown her and her escape into the garden only magnified Wilma’s suspicion that her daughter was, in fact, not exactly done with the topic of Hiccup Haddock. And even if the two ultimately were just friends, she still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the situation than Astrid was letting on.

Her thoughts were interrupted by sudden loud voices approaching the door to the garden, a discussion playing out between the two entering the living room. If she hadn’t had her daughter’s entire life worth of time to learn to distinguish between her girl’s angry and her daring, competitive facial expressions and body language, her initial assessment of the scene before her would have been a tantalizing fight between lovers. The grin tugging on the boy’s lips, however, only amplified the rays of playful banter shining off the pair.

Astrid caught Wilma’s look. “What?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious what this is about.”

“He thinks I’m being a coward.” Astrid jutted a finger in Hiccup’s direction.

“What?!” he immediately exclaimed. “I never said that, when- when have I said that? Didn’t you hear me? I said you’re crazy and you shouldn’t do it. I didn’t say that you wouldn’t.”

“That’s right, because I would. And I will.” She crossed her arms, nothing but daring determination written across her features. Then she walked away towards the kitchen with the same energy, Hiccup hurrying after her.

“No, Astrid, don’t actually do it!”

Now that the two were out of sight, Wilma strained her ears to further hear their conversation, trying to understand what was going on without going after them like a parent making sure their child didn’t do anything stupid. Although, in this particular case, that didn’t sound like such a bad idea.

She could hear the sounds of body parts colliding with furniture or the occasional other body part, as apparently a scuffle broke out, accompanied by the occasional giggle or huff. Something clattered to the ground.

“Ha!” Astrid seemed to have won the scuffle.

“Astrid, no, put that away!” There seemed to be more wrestling, followed by a groan of pain from Hiccup and a stifled, “Bad Astrid!” According to the lack of more jostling, he had given up taking away whatever she was crinkling in her hand.

“I’m gonna do it.”

“Astrid, no, I was joking earlier! Don’t actually do it! Don’t- No- Astrid- I will tell your mother-“

“Cheers!”

There was a beat of silence.

“Oh my god, she actually did it.”

Cries of disgust rose over his muttered expression of awe and disbelief alike, then spluttering.

Muffled by something in her mouth, Astrid’s words were barely discernible. “_Fuck_, tha’sh dishgushting! An’ sho dwy!”

Someone turned on the sink and presumably filled a glass with water.

“Don’t swallow it, spit it out. I’m sure eating it wouldn’t be good for you.” The amusement in his voice was unmistakable.

Sounds of spitting and gurgling filled the pause before a triumphant Astrid spoke again. “Told you I’d do it.”

“Were you like that during High School?”

“Oh yeah. Sometimes even worse.”

He chuckled, somewhat softly. “High School me would have been crushing on you so hard.”

Silence. Wilma caught herself holding her breath, almost rooting for something to happen. But after a minute of quiet, there was only a loud sneeze and more exclamations of disgust.

“_EW!_ That stuff is so sticky and dry at the same time!” More water ran through the sink.

“You don’t say! What did you expect?”

Wilma couldn’t hold still anymore. She made her way over to the kitchen, where she found one of them spluttering into the sink and the other leaning against the counter right beside her, arms crossed, shaking his head with a grin.

“What on earth are you doing in here?”

Slightly startled by her sudden appearance, the pair looked up. There were traces of a white powder on Astrid’s chin and shirt.

Hiccup’s voice sounded deadpan, but his eyes shone with amusement. “She bet me she’d eat a whole sachet of baking powder.”

Wilma’s eyebrows climbed up to her hairline. “Do I need to know why?”

“No, mom. You really don’t.” Astrid rolled her eyes the same way she used to when she was a kid and her parents interrupted her mid-playdate. Or when she was an ambitious teenager and someone brought up the topic of boys. Or when she was in college and tried to vehemently deny that she was not sleeping with that gorgeous new ‘study buddy’ of hers. “We’re just messing around, don’t worry, I’m old enough not to break the kitchen.”

Astrid threw her a look and Wilma could only decipher the message it carried through mother-child-telepathy.

_Don’t even start_, it said, _we’re just friends doing stupid friends stuff_.

Wilma wasn’t convinced, judging by the pair’s body language, even if unintended. They seemed to gravitate towards each other. If one moved a shoulder, the other changed the angle of a foot. If one ever so slightly leaned in another direction, the other followed. There was always a part of them angled toward the other. Two magnets. She wanted to think it had been the same with Eret, but she had to admit she’d never paid enough attention to notice.

After one more gulp of water and a last disgusted shudder, they left the room, leaving a trail of electricity in the air, akin to the remnants of a summer storm.

She was extraordinarily stubborn, that girl. If only she were less tenacious with herself.

* * *

Astrid watched his car disappear down the street before she turned and headed back into the house, feeling content and giddy at the same time. The cheerful smile on her face, however, disappeared as soon as she entered the kitchen and found her mother waiting for her.

Preparing herself for the imminent interrogation, she took a wet cloth and cleaned the rest of the baking powder off the counter and threw the empty paper sachet in the trash. She didn’t have to wait long.

“So we’re eating baking soda now to impress boys?”

“It wasn’t baking soda; it was baking powder.”

“And?”

“And I didn’t do it to impress anyone, it was just a stupid dare!”

Her mother sighed. “Astrid-“

“No, don’t start with that tone. I told you, everything’s fine, and I met Hiccup by chance a few days ago. We’re just friends!”

Wilma crossed her arms. “That’s not what I saw.”

With a huff and a little too much force, Astrid put the empty water glass into the dishwasher, and it dangerously clinked against a mug and a saucer. “Whatever you saw, it’s not what you think. We didn’t do anything.”

“I am not trying to chastise you.” Her mother came closer and stretched a hand out to her, but Astrid turned away, leaning against the kitchen table. “I just want you to talk to me about what’s going on with you, and don’t you say that there is nothing, because I can sense that there is!”

Astrid huffed again. “If there was something for me to talk to you about, then I would tell you.”

“Okay, then don’t.” Astrid winced. She could tell her mother was losing her patience. “Keep bottling everything up until it breaks you from the inside. Keep pushing away the people that want to help you be happy. And please, Astrid Hofferson, keep denying everything to yourself and stay miserable!”

“Like I said,” Astrid whispered, suddenly feeling queasy, “there is nothing.” Her phone chimed in her pocket with a familiar tune. “And now excuse me, I have an online date with Ruffnut.”

Ignoring her mother’s disappointed expression, she turned and ran up the stairs to her room, closing the door and leaning against it for a few minutes. Her stomach clenched itself together and she concentrated on breathing until it calmed down.

She banished the conversation with her mother from her mind, changed into her sweatpants and deliberately put on one of Eret’s old hoodies. Then she crawled into bed with her laptop, opened Ruff’s chat and checked her phone while she waited for her friend to come online.

There was one new message and it sent another jolt threw her stomach. It was Hiccup, asking her if she wanted to come to Raven Point forest on Saturday, just for a little nature quality time. With a fluttering in her chest and a still queasy stomach, she texted him yes.

Just when she sent the text, a chat window popped open on her laptop’s screen, followed by an incoming voice call.

Twenty minutes later, after Ruff told her every single detail about her family vacation in Spain so far, including an in-depth analysis off all the butts and abs she’d seen at the pool of her hotel until now, they switched from shooting enemies online to sharing a screen and playing The Sims.

“…so he offers her the rose and she takes it, sniffs it good, and winks at him. Poor Tuff is in waaaay too deep at this point.” Ruffnut cackled, finishing her story about her twin brother’s affair with a lady who stayed in their hotel as well and was almost ten years older than him. It was kind of hilarious how he hadn’t really planned on going through with anything, but then he’d found himself in the situation and hadn’t backed out. And now he was in way over his head. But knowing the twins, Astrid could only imagine this ending in absolute chaos, and couldn’t wait for the full story once they came home.

“I’m almost done with the Sim, how far along are you with the house?” Once they were both done with their creations, Astrid would upload her character for Ruff so she could share her screen and they’d reign over it together in her built house. It was how they’d been doing it since middle school.

“Almost. Still deciding between a garden of cow plants and a dungeon.”

“Choose the cow plants and we’ll have the Sim feed only every second one,” Astrid suggested while clicking through her Sim’s wardrobe options for formal wear. On a whim, she had made her character small and chubby, with very short and spiky platinum blonde hair, gray eyes and the most ugly nose and ears she could create.

Ruffnut burst out laughing once she saw it. “Hot. Almost like Eret.”

Astrid snorted at that. “Uncanny resemblance.” And yet it wasn’t even Eret she’d tried to steer away from while designing the Sim. But Ruff was right, in her effort to do just that, she’d also created a non-Eret. All the better.

Two hours later, the guy was still alive and kicking, despite the hungry carnivorous plants in his garden and the plenty fire hazards Ruff had installed in his house. He had even found love in one of his neighbors, after spending comparatively little time with her.

“Sims logic,” Ruff sneered. “As if you can fall in love after one ten-second conversation about light bulbs. And get married right after.”

Astrid chose not to comment on that. She shifted in her bed, sitting up straight again so that her laptop didn’t sit on her stomach so much, suddenly feeling queasy again. She’d probably accidentally swallowed some of the baking powder.

Her thoughts drifted to Saturday. She hoped the weather would be good, but after these weeks of sunshine and temperatures almost too high for May, she wasn’t worried. She could already smell the beginning of summer in the woods, see the sunlight catching in–

“Yo, jackpot!” Ruff’s voice tore her from her daydreams.

“What? What happened?”

“Weird neighbor girl got knocked up!”

The warm feeling in Astrid’s chest shrunk into a tight little ball, rising into her throat. She tried to swallow it, but it stayed where it was.

“Ruff?”

“Huh?”

“Can you imagine me with a child?”

“Sure, you already act like my mom sometimes.”

“No, I don’t!” Astrid protested. She did, though. She realized that herself.

“Yeah, you definitely do. Why are you asking?”

Astrid took a moment to answer. “Just thinking about it. Because of the game.” She grimaced.

“Cool. Tell me when you’re seriously thinking of trying, my friend Kelsey did that last year so I can give you all the deets. You know I’m good at advice.” She cackled.

“Hmm. Will do. Hey, go back to the first floor, I think the toilet just exploded!”

Long after midnight, when she and Ruff had ended the call, she slowly opened the bottom drawer of her dresser and took out the pregnancy test she’d bought and hadn’t had the nerve to use yet.

With the lump in her throat growing and the queasiness in her stomach uncomfortably increasing, she tiptoed into the bathroom and unwrapped the stick with shaking hands.

When she was done with it, she sunk onto the floor, leaning against the tub, the test lying next to her. With a pounding heart, she refused to look at it, staring at the underside of the sink until her tailbone started to hurt from sitting in this position for so long. There was really no use in waiting any longer; whatever the result was, it was real, no matter how long she put off finding out. Still, it took her several more minutes before she took a deep breath and reached for the stick.

She released the air from her lungs when she looked at it, the result staring her in the face, unmistakable and clear.

Hands still shaking, she took out her phone and dialed a number before she could change her mind. He picked up after the fourth ring.

“Hello? Astrid?”

“He-“ She cleared her throat. “Hey.” She didn’t know what to say. Their last exchange had been nearly two weeks ago and it had been less than friendly.

“How… How are you doing?” Eret didn’t know what to say, either. It went unspoken between them that they left things too messy to have a casual conversation right now, or an even remotely serious one over the phone. But she didn’t want to fight anymore, and neither did he. She knew that she needed to apologize for some of the things she’d said. All of them if she were honest. But the words died on her tongue when she made out voices in the background.

She heard a woman call for him, and the old fire flared back up in her chest, hungry and destructive. A male voice joined her.

“Um…” Eret paused, unsure how to continue.

With bated breath, she waited for him to say something. Anything. Feed the raging flame.

“We were just about to go out for drinks, me and a few colleagues, Timothy… Timothy’s waiting for me, I’m sorry. I gotta go. We’ll talk when I’m home, okay?”

Who the hell was Timothy? “I… Yeah. Okay.”

“See you on Sunday.”

He ended the call and left her in the eerie silence of the bathroom. She just sat there, slumped against the tub, tailbone complaining, swallowing the rocks in her lungs.

With a frustrated huff, she threw the stick at the wall, a lonely tear rolling down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the denial is strong with this one.  
Astrid: “Take action to achieve those dreams!”  
Also Astrid: doesn’t


End file.
